Living Donors Online Message Board

Living Donation Discussion and News => Living Donation Forum => Topic started by: ltFna90 on June 24, 2018, 08:45:16 PM

Title: Kidney Donation to Dad- Questions and Concerns
Post by: ltFna90 on June 24, 2018, 08:45:16 PM
My dad was born with Reflux Nephropathy and has lost his 3rd kidney 5 years ago.  He has been on dialysis for 5 years now and it is really taking its tole on him.  When I was younger I was very adamant about donating if the issue ever presented itself.  However, my dad was rejected initially a few years ago due to a drinking problem.  After having to have him forcibly placed in an intensive out patient program for alcohol abuse, he is finally sober and has just been added to the donor list.  I have had a change of heart about donating primarily because I am 27, I have a toddler, and I am planning to have more children.  I have read that there can be risks associated with pregnancy after donating a kidney (preeclampsia, hypertension, gestational diabetes, low birth rate, premature birth, and still born).  The statistics are not alarmingly high, but I am having such a hard time thinking about putting my child at possible risk.  My whole life my dad has been sick and I feel that he has always expected me to put him above all else.  I feel like he won't be satisfied until I have proven that I will put his needs above even my own children.  Since I told my dad my decision he has been very bitter and upset with me.  He refuses to believe that there are risks associated with kidney donation.  Can anyone offer any advice about my thinking here?  I'm having horrible anxiety and this is weighing on my mind constantly. 
Does anyone have insight as to having children after donating a kidney?
Title: Re: Kidney Donation to Dad- Questions and Concerns
Post by: Fr Pat on June 25, 2018, 07:19:39 AM
You might want to also post at the FaceBook page of Living Donors on Line, as these days many more donors check in there rather than here, and I know some have faced similar situations.
     A while ago there was an article in the New England Journal of Medicine. Their study said that kidney donors who become pregnant have about an 11% chance of developing preeclampsia, as opposed to about 5% for non-donors. So, about double the risk.
     Also keep in mind that you are NOT his only hope. Most patients receive their kidney transplant from deceased donors, even though the waiting list can be long in some areas.
       Fr. Pat
Title: Re: Kidney Donation to Dad- Questions and Concerns
Post by: elephant on June 25, 2018, 07:41:59 AM
Dear ltFna90 ,

I am sorry to hear you have a difficult situation.  Yes, women have donated and then had  perfect pregnancies.  However I think you have a little more going on than your own concerns.  Your father may have at least two diseases, one of which is alcoholism.  Your hesitation is reasonable. 

I suggest you consider some outside counseling to help you clarify your thinking about the possible donation and your relationship with your father.   Donation can be a wonderful thing, but can not be coerced.  In fact a part of the approval process for donation is meeting with a psychologist, to discuss difficult topics like that.  A conflicted donor may well be rejected if there is a risk of emotional harm.  The transplant team will generally say there is an incompatibility.

I donated to my father.  Fortunately we had a great relationship and I have no regrets.  However I was very aware of a sense of obligation to donate.  Apparently my siblings did not experience the same thing! 

Love, elephant
Title: Re: Kidney Donation to Dad- Questions and Concerns
Post by: harleygirl-tc on July 23, 2018, 12:54:57 PM
I was a Kidney donor to my mother in 2009 she had three kidneys also and they quit on her one day she did fine the first 3 years later she got cancer and passed I blame it on the anti-rejection medicine because they don't tell us that the recipients are at high risk of cancer after transplant. Sometimes I think that if I did not gave up a kidney my mother may still be here because at least she would maybe had a chance being on dialysis.
Title: Re: Kidney Donation to Dad- Questions and Concerns
Post by: EdwardBuntin on July 27, 2018, 06:19:20 AM
Thank you so much for this kind of informations! The most common motive for donation is due to emotional ties, which include among spouses and other own family members. But, increasingly more we're finding donors who are interested by donating in a non-directed fashion. In these donations, they donate to human beings they do not for my part know. The motivations of these people is high-quality summed up with the aid of one of my previous donors who said that his life could not be whole if he died with  kidneys and was not able to donate one to someone to assist them out.