Live donor terror

[NoGirlScout]

I'm at a total loss what to do. I have an in-law who needs a new liver after many years of alcohol abuse; a surprise to some of us. We're at the early stages of the live donor process, and I just discovered that I'm the same blood type as this relative. Another family member and I are the only ones that know this right now, and I'm not getting any pressure to take next steps.  But I do imagine that next steps would be the expectation, and it's something I can't reconcile.  I've had many surgeries in the past ten years, mostly orthopedic, and I'll always have some problems as a result.  I very much don't want to go down such a serious road as a live donor, and I'm not  close with this relative.  But I do care very much for some of our shared family members, who will be devastated if a donor isn't identified in time. 

The surgery, the pain, the recovery, the additional scars and the risk... my heart sinks at the thought of it.  And with that I have little faith that this person will be able to stay away from alcohol long term.  It's only been months of sobriety at this point and only after they nearly died.

I don't know what I will decide, but I don't know how to say "no" if I do end up being a viable donor and don't wish to, especially if close liver donor options otherwise aren't on the table.  I feel so terrible. 

[CK]

When I went through the donor process, they told me that if I didn't want to donate, they would tell my recipient that I was not a match, or was disqualified for some medical reason.

Perhaps they would do that for you as well.  It doesn't seem right to donate with all of these reservations, but I can see how it would be hard to decline openly.  They do screen for whether or not people are feeling pressured to donate, so use that to your benefit. 

[donor99]

Transplant programs can not invent an opt out...they cant make up a diagnosis...they can simply say that you did not meet their selection criteria and they turned you down...if you dont want to donate you do not meet their selection criteria....they cant say you dont match if its a lie

[CK]

Whatever ... the result is the same - they will tell your recipient that you are not an eligible donor.  No need to split hairs, my point was that she can start the process and then they will give her the out if she wants it.

[Fr Pat]

     Yes, that's right. If the potential donor wants to quietly back out, the hospital does not have to tell a lie. There are lots of tests, and some are borderline (blood pressure, liver function, weight, etc.) Sometimes one hospital says "yes" and another hospital says "no" with the same data. They can easily "reconsider" and decide that some of your results are not quite good enough, and tell that to the intended recipient. This is ESPECIALLY true with living LIVER transplants, since the rate of serious complications for the donor is much higher than it is for kidney donation. The fact that you have had problems with past surgeries could be enough to eliminate you as a good candidate. And keep in mind that if the patient does not find a living donor the patient remains on the list for an organ from a deceased donor. So if you decline continuing the process he still has the possibility of a transplant. With regard to alcohol abuse, most hospitals will require that the patient stay alcohol-free for 6 months before being approved for a liver transplant.

[eggplantsrin]

In my assessment process I was seen by a psychiatrist.  If I had expressed this many reservations to her, they may well have found me an unsuitable donor.  Keep in mind that depression is a real risk from this surgery. Have a discussion with the donor team and see what they say.  You are under absolutely no obligation.