Helping my husband cope

[firemom31]

My husband donated his kidney to a friend in 2008. He found out yesterday that his recipient passed away. My husband is extremely distressed, even though they have not had contact in several years. The gentleman was in his 80's and lived many good years because of the donation. He says I can't understand the things he is feeling, and I'm sure he's right. It is indeed a unique experience. Can anyone offer any suggestions of what I can say, or not say, to help him?

[Clark]

Welcome to LDO. So sorry to hear of your spouse's distress. Please extend our sympathy to all of you. Has he had a chance to talk to any of his recipient's surviving loved ones or caregivers? Perhaps that will help him. He's welcome here, as well, especially to the Donor Buddy section where he might find a peer he can talk to. Take good care.

[Fr Pat]

You might want to also post your question at the FaceBook pages of "Living Donors on Line" and "Living Kidney Donors Support Group". These days there are more donors who check in there, and I know that at those pages there are some donors whose recipients have died.

[CK]

My recipient is my husband, so obviously his death would have a different meaning to me  - so, what is your husband feeling? I think I would be happy the person got 12 more years of life because of me.  Is he feeling he failed in someway?