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Getting the word out

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Jewels:
I am at a loss on how to get the word out that I am set to be a live kidney donor for my sister.  I have been staying close to immediate family and close friends, but I really haven't shared this with many of my extended family and circle of friends.  Part of it is because it has been a "maybe" while I was in the evaluation stage - now, it is finally for real.  It doesn't feel right to just pop a Facebook status out there and say, "can't wait until July 15...donating my kidney."  I am torn between not wanting to be very public and yet wanting my friends to know what I am doing for summer vacation.  I thought about a blog, but again - do I suddenly send it out to my address list?

I am curious how some other donors and donors-to-be have handled getting the word out?  Or maybe not getting it out much at all?

Thanks as always for the feedback!
Julie

ohtobeahayes:
Hey Julie!
Yes, this was the hardest part for me.  I really wanted to tell EVERYONE, but not so that I would hear how great what I was doing was. I wanted to tell people so they could know what's possible, and who knows...someone else might hear and realize they could do that too, ya know?
I have a blog, so it was in there, but it's my life blog, not just about the donation. I didn't tell as many people as I would have liked to, and people I knew were surprised when they saw it on the news or read it in the paper.  It was just a weird space for me.

So, being on the other side of it now, I say POST IT ON FACEBOOK. Do it. Those people are your friends and family and it's SO okay to be excited to do this and be excited for your sister, and to have the support. Some people might not understand it, so look for opportunities for educating.

After surgery, I posted a picture of my kidney. HAHAH! And of me in the hospital asking if anyone recognized me without my kidney. :) I will admit to being a total dork though> There are people who never told a soul. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT and it truly is a chance to show people what is possible in this great big ole world of ours. I think I'd fall over if I heard that someone heard that I did it, and realized they could do and went for it.

Don't be afraid to shine. You know your heart. We even know your heart. Shine on!

Nicki

Fr Pat:
Dear Julie,
     Congratulations on your great desire to donate! Wonderful!
     Every donor is different, but one thing that you might want to keep in mind is that you are always free to change your mind and back out, right up to the moment of the pre-op "happy drug" injection. At least at my hospital even though I was in my gown and on the gurney they asken me once again if I still wanted to do it. If not, they would "find" a reasonable medical reason to exclude me and send me home without embarassment. It sounds like you are indeed quite sure, but you will still have that option. So while telling everyone in advance has its beauty, I tend to suggest that potential donors just let people know on a "need-to-know" basis ahead of time. There will be plenty of time to share the news afterwards. But that is just my opinion.
     best wishes,
         Fr. Pat (donor, '02)

Scott337:
Julie,

I would agree with both Nicki and Fr Pat;

On one hand, the emotions you're experiencing need an outlet of some type and sometimes, sharing on a need-to-know and relatively minimal level is not enough to quench the desire.  On the other hand, I was hesitant to share with anyone other than my wife and children (not even my siblings) as I'm a private person and like you, I was uncomfortable with peoples accolades about how noble I was being for a stranger, the gift went much deeper than that for me.  I was also worried about telling several people what I planned on doing and then have the surgery and find out the recipient rejected my kidney or something didn't work right and then having to tell people that.

When it comes down to it, you're the only one who can answer that question for you.  Follow your heart.  You could tell those on a need-to-know basis for now (immediate family, close friends, etc...) and then sometime after your surgery, during recovery, you could tell more.  If you should choose to put something  ;Don social networks, you could tell people you've decided to do something very positive with your life, becoming a living donor and that you've now been given the green-light and you were wanting to notify some of your closest friends and family so they could say a prayer and send a positive wish for both you and your recipient during the process.  This way people feel like they are part of the process with you...and they WILL be interested in supporting you...I guarantee it!

Whatever you decide, follow your heart....it may not always pick the right direction, but it always picks the direction out of love.

Good luck - I wish you peace with your decision - keep us informed friend!   We support you no matter what.

Scott ;D

treehugger:
I have a slightly different take on this because my husband was the one with end stage renal failure who needed a kidney, and this was a well-known fact by all our friends and family by the time I found out I could donate to him via paired exchange.

So, I started "journaling" about the testing process via a series of group emails as a way to get my thoughts on "paper,"  make sure I remembered all the details, and share our journey with those in our lives who were interested. I didn't worry about collecting accolades because they were easy for me to brush off; of course I would donate to my husband, nothing heroic about that. And truly, we found that people were interested (or they could skim or delete the emails, that was fine, too).

I enlisted my step-dad to send out an email message to my list once Joe and I were out of surgery. He went further than that and sent out updates during and after surgery and when we were released from the hospital. Lots of people mentioned that they really liked getting those messages. Plus, it gave my stepdad something do do. And then a week later when Joe had to go back into the hospital for 9 days, my stepdad started sending updates again. I really appreciated not having to worry about keeping people informed.

I found out later that my close friend at work (who was on my email list) forwarded my stepdad's messages to the entire office. It was fine, but getting all the congrats and "your amazing" comments from people I work with was rather embarrassing. But again, I could deflect a  lot of it and keep the focus on my husband.

By the way, I also posted pictures of my kidney on facebook. But I am only facebook friends with actual friends and family, so I have no problem sharing my insides there.

Ok, lots of thoughts up there, but bottom line, I think people are interested and it's nice to share important things in your life with people who care about you. So, please consider telling others (and don't worry about the how or the why). I think you'll be glad you did.

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