Living Donors Online Message Board
Living Donation Discussion and News => Living Donation Forum => Topic started by: John E on September 02, 2013, 11:02:20 AM
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New to the board, just joined last night. I am donating to my brother in law on the 19th. I have been tested and tested and believe it or not tested some more, lol. I have read a good deal that has been posted here; and first and foremost I have to agree that the Dr's and hospital really do not care about me as much as they care about the kidney... I have a physical job and the company I work for has gone above and beyond what I ever expected (for the last 3 months all OT I worked has gone into a bank that I will use while I am out, I have banked 2.5 weeks a week vacation and they are letting me borrow a week from next year if needed.) This is when I realized the hospital didn't/wasn't taking my needs into account. I explained what my company was doing for me, and asked them to schedule my testing for either early or late day so I would not lose too much time. EVERY appt. was middle of the day, which basically cost me over a week of possible "bank time." My biggest and to be honest only worry is money. If I am out of work longer than 3-4 weeks for any complication I will begin to have some money issues. Like I said I have a very physical job and the risk of hernia also ways on my mind; if I get hurt as a result of the surgery by all rights the company I work for could deny any and all workmen's comp claim... Unfortunately my family isn't in any position to help....
I know there is nothing that can or will change any of my worry and or concerns, just need to vent I wouldn't say I am the sole provider, but I do care for my parents and help one of my brothers... personally I know I will be ok, but if any of my worst case's happen I don't know if I will be able to help them, and being single with no dependents I know it is my duty to help take care of my family.
Thanks for letting me vent, and any advise and or ideas will be appreciated...
John
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Best wishes, John. Hope all goes well and your transplant team finally gets it soon. Is your family supportive? It sounds like a lot of them are accustomed to relying on you. Are they prepared for a reversal of that, short or long term? If not, are they in denial? You don't mention them except in regards to your ongoing support of them. What about you?
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Clark sorry I was just venting... they are very supportive and very happy for both Charlie and my self. My family is a very close group, no matter what even if we argue or fight family is always first and come back together and become stronger from the tough times...
Sept is going to be a long month, my father is having back surgery the week before my transplant surgery and my brother is having elbow surgery the week after, but there are several others that will be around (big Irish Catholic family) to help out if needed...
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Dear John E,
I had to use up a week of vacation days for testing prior to surgery as well, I think that's not unusual. Fortunately I was accepted on my company short term disability plan, so I only used up two weeks of vacation total, the other couple of weeks I was covered by disability. Have you checked to see if you are eligible for disability coverage?
Post surgery, make sure to obey the lifting restrictions while you are healing. Let the rest of that big family do their share! Maybe you can ask the transplant team about wearing some kind of abdominal support post surgery? I know these things exist but not if they are effective or not.
Love, elephant
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elephant,
Yes I asked about short term, unfortunately they do not carry it. I also asked about being laid-off for the time I would be out... (didn't think it through nearly as much as my boss and the owner of the company did) The owner of the company said that yes it is an option, BUT if we lay you off you will lose your own insurance, to which I said this is all covered on the recipient's insurance... Then he hit me with logic and reality, what if you fall down the stairs and break a leg that wouldn't be covered... um ok didn't think of that... Then he goes on to add what about the 401K, you become eligible for that in Dec, if you are laid off you will have to wait another 6 months to enroll...
Like I said earlier the company I am working for has gone above what I had hoped for, and today they told me that when I come back IF I want I could just work part time 20 hours and use vacation for the other 20, until I am back...
I will ask about the "ab" support even if it serves as only a reminder to me to not do anything dumb...
I almost forgot, just heard today, that our surgery has been moved up 2 days to the 17th... BUT at least I will be able to watch the Eagles Chiefs Game on Thursday night...
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Dear John,
Here is another possible option to keep in mind: while it is against the law for a donor to be paid for the donated organ, the donor CAN legally be reimbursed for all expenses related to the donation, including time off from work, and fund-raising activities can be carried out legally for that purpose. It might be wise to ask the recipient's family to be prepared to do some kind of fund-raising IF the need arises if you are out of work longer. This does involve, of course, some loss of privacy. But I think that there are many people who would be willing to pitch in and help once they knew that a donor was having financial problems as a result of the donation. They don't have to START any find-raising now, but could have ideas and plans in place just in case the need arises. A while back there was a donor on the forum here who had turned down an offer like that because she was sure that she would be able to handle things financially. But as it turned out her recovery went more slowly and the bills started to pile up and before she knew it she couldn't even pay the rent. Then she regretted not having given the go-ahead to plan some possible fund-raising. So it might be wise to let people know that there MIGHT be a financial problem and to have some fund-raising ideas in place just in case.
best wishes,
Fr. Pat
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Dear John E,
Since your company is being supportive, I'm sure they'll try and take it easy on you when you do return to work. Working part time might really help ease the transition, as many donors tire easily for a while.
You've got two weeks left to prepare as much as possible for your down time. Pay the bills, get your place tidied up, do the laundry, stock up on anything you need post-surgery (especially prunes!) and line up your support staff. There's lots of great resources here to help you plan for recovery!
Love, elephant
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Definitely use abdominal support. Thanks to this forum I knew to ask for one in the hospital. Someone had posted to get one and wear it for at least 3 weeks. You can get one at WalMart in the sports department. I used one my husband had for the gym and it was much more comfortable and gave better support that the one they gave me in the hospital. Good luck and God bless!
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FR Pat, Thx, I have a friend that has stated she wants to organize something for me, and I have been a little reluctant. I know this will sound odd being an organ donor, but I do not like charity towards me I guess it makes me feel as if I am week or need help... lol I know like I said it's odd... But the closer the surgery gets the more I am thinking she is right, as a just in case. The funny thing is she actually called me today and it got me thinking, but hearing of others having had problems pretty much seals the deal... Thx again...
Elephant, the guys at work have already been very clear about the fact that other than computer work I am not allowed to do anything... OR they will hit me with a 2 x 4... lol They already have plans set in place plenty of things for me to do... Thx again
Nancy, thx, I didn't realize I could ask the transplant team for a support brace, comfort won't be that important for the 1st week I am guessing but I may just go and pick 1 up at Walmart PRE surgery that way I already have it and won't have to remember to ask...
Thank you all and please any other tips are not only welcomed but very much appreciated...
John
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You can also apply for an individual short term disability plan. It takes 30 days to kick in but can definitely help cover you if things don't go as planned. My friend is an insurance broker and financial advisor and he let me in on all these details. Best of luck to you!
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Re: accepting help from others.
Before I donated, I had difficulties with this, too. I was raised to be completely independent and to neither ask for nor accept help. But during the pre-surgery period, a friend asked me if I like to help others when they are in need. "Of course!" I said. She responded, "Then you should allow others to do the same for you. It's kind to help and it's kind to let others help." That conversation really changed my way of thinking and I still remember it often.
I am eternally grateful for all the friends and family (and even coworkers and acquaintances) who came forward with offers to supply meals, walk our dogs, clean our cats' litterbox (these are really good friends!), drive us to appointments, take me grocery shopping, etc. My biggest (pretty much only) worry before donating was being able to take care of everything that needed to be done, since we would both be having surgery at the same time. I needn't have worried about that in the slightest.
I learned a lot about myself during the whole process, and probably my biggest takeaway was the realization that it's not weak to accept help when it is needed. Instead, it is the responsible, mature thing to do, and it builds bonds and strengthens the whole group (family, community, whatever).
Kara
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Tomorrow is the day... We have to be at the Lankenau hospital at 6 am... I want to thank everyone for tips, advice and prayer most importantly... I have already gotten the Doc permission to have the prayer coin placed in a sterile bag and taped to my body during the operation.... The coin literally just appeared in my home 3-4 weeks ago, none of my family or friends have ever seen it before or has any idea of how it showed up in my house. Sooooo I am just taking it as a sign, since the coin has an angel on both sides... guess my Gaurdian Angel wants me to know they are going to be there with me.
Thx again will post again once I am home...
John
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Best wishes!
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Dear John,
I'll be looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Remember your prunes.
Quite sure Guardian Angels attend at surgery.
Love, elephant
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OK first off... GAS SUCKS.... lol the pain from the surgery was almost nothing(ok it hurt) but to be honest the worst pain I felt was when I tried to roll onto my side for a little change... a gas bubble rolled right under my bellybutton.... I almost cried it hurt so badly.
That said, totally worth it, My Brother (no longer in law since this and we were a match as close as a sibling 3 out of 6) was released today as well, we are both home and as comfortable as we can be. Shortly after he was moved to recovery his kidney started working... He had almost as much pain from his bladder needing to be stretched back out as he was from the gas... It went so well they even removed his perma cath from his chest, we were under the impression that they were going to leave that in for a few weeks...
Will post more tomorrow just wanted to give an update and thank everyone for the thoughts and prayers...
John
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Congratulations to you both! Take good care of yourself and give yourself time to heal.
Fr. Pat
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Bravo, John! Best wishes for rapid recoveries for you both. Bet being at home again is wonderful, despite the aggravations you're still going through. This is the tough time, a few days after surgery, when you want to ditch the narcotics and just be done with it all. Sorry, pain gets in the way of healing, so tail off the dope gradually, sleep as much as you can, and walk, walk, walk. Take care.-John
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So happy for you and your 'new brother' ! May you both heal quickly. Stay connected and let us hear from you.
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Dear John,
HOORAY! I'm thrilled to hear you are both doing well, it is amazing how much better the recipients can feel in a hurry.
Keep us updated on your progress.
Love, elephant
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Well, I know I said I would "post more tomorrow" but well time flies... things are still going very well for us both... I have been back at work for a week and a half, hate the feeling of being useless ( I have a very physically demanding job) but although I am light duty the people at work won't allow me to do anything... OK I know it is the right thing, but really can not wait until the 29th, and can get back to being normal...
still worth the discomfort and pain...
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John,
Welcome to the One Kidney Club, and congratulations to all involved! Keep us informed on your recovery.