Living Donors Online Message Board
Living Donation Discussion and News => Living Donation Forum => Topic started by: MissFrizz on May 25, 2012, 07:02:08 AM
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HI all. I'm sorry to say that my dad didn't make it. The kidney was working great, but his heart gave out last night.
I feel numb at the moment, I'm sure I will run a gambit of emotions. If anyone here has had a similar experience, please message me.
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Dear "MissFrizz",
I'm very sorry for your loss. You did everything you could for him, and he had the joy of knowing you cared that much. Be kind to yourself now.
Fr. Pat
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I am so sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you and your family.
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Stephanie,
I am so so sorry for your loss. I just reread some of your original posts. I remember your family's story and how much angst there was involved in your decision to donate because of some of the family dynamics. I hope you know you did what you set out to do. You gave your Dad a chance for a better life. Unfortunately, his body was not able to sustain this gift. This was not anything you or anyone else did or didn't do.
You are still close out from surgery so I hope you take this time to concentrate on your recuperation and on leading a healthy life. I hope the good memories you have of your Dad will bring you comfort. Your gave him, yourself and your children a wonderful gift. I'm sorry that it wasn't able to unfold the way we had all prayed for.
Please keep us posted here and let us know how you are coping. There are many others who have lost their recipients and of course in that process a part of themselves. Make sure you get the emotional support you need from the transplant center or from other professionals who can help you work through the grieving process.
All the best,
Sherri
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Oh no, I am so, so sorry. :'(
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Dear MissFrizz,
I'm saddened to hear that you lost your dear father. I've been crying for you and pray for your consolation. Your Dad went forth surrounded by love.
love, elephant
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Best wishes. Our hearts go out to you and your loved ones. Take care.
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Very sorry to hear of your loss
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Thank you.
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I too am sorry for your loss. Please take care. Janice
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:'( Dear Stephanie,
Oh no! I am surprised to hear this. So very sorry for you and your family.
Best wishes and {{warm hugs}}
My deepest sympathy,
Karol
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Stephanie-I am so sad that this happened. You are an incredible, selfless woman who gave your dad a wonderful gift. I hope you take the time you need to grieve and heal.
Many people will be praying for you.
Lauri
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I keep waiting for it to hit me and it hasn't. People say I am in shock. But, is it possible that I feel at peace with everything? That he knew he was loved and I gave him a gift that maybe didn't turn out the way we thought, but he had the gift of hope and the story to tell. I see many blessings that occurred in the last month - a new peace between him and my mother, the grace of God that allowed me to see him just before he passed. His heart just stopped without warning - it was simply his time. I expect that the funeral will be difficult. But, for now... peace or shock?
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Stephanie,
I am so, so very sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. You did everything you possibly could to help him, and I am confident he died knowing how very much you love him.
As far as peace or shock, it is probably both. It sounds like you are well aware of the many positives that came from you donating to your Dad, including a new peace between your parents. You also more than likely are in shock - this is not the ending anyone wants or envisions. We all know it can happen, but we all go in to this hoping and praying, and usually believing it will not actually happen to us. You have been through so much in such a short time. You had to go through the decision to donate, then the surgery and now the loss of your Dad. That is a lot for a person to go through.
Please continue to reach out to your friends and family for support. You are a strong person and will get through this. Please know your friends on the donor board are here for you as well. Keep us updated how you are doing. I am keeping you and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs and more hugs to you.
Linda
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Dear "MissFrizz",
As Linda has well said above, Peace and shock can both be present. But as you deal with loss and shock, both now and at the funeral, don't be afraid to accept the gift of peace as well. We all die sooner or later, and to die surrounded by love, and knowing that someone cared so much as to give an organ in trying to help, is not a bad way to go. Many people lose a loved one suddenly, and then think "If only I had time now to express my love and make peace!" You accepted a beautiful opportunity to express love and to work through difficulties. Now accept peace.
Fr. Pat
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I am so sorry......you have my deepest sympathy.
Thoughts & Prayers!!
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Stephanie - So sorry to hear of your father's passing. I know you loved him deeply and had so hoped his health would turn around with a new kidney. I'm certain you've already heard it, but there is so much we have no control over and it sounds as though your dad's heart issue was just that.
Please know there are so many of us here who know your story and of your journey with your dad and family. We wish you and your family comfort, togetherness and healing. I'm certain your memories of your father will always keep him close to your heart and make you smile.
My prayers for healing, health and hope.
Scott 8)
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Dear Miss Frizz,
i am very sad to hear of your loss. But you yourself put it best:
"But, is it possible that I feel at peace with everything? That he knew he was loved and I gave him a gift that maybe didn't turn out the way we thought, but he had the gift of hope and the story to tell."
What more can I add, except to send you some "virtual" strength and blessings for a speedy recovery, in all senses?...
Snoopy
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Thank you, everyone, for your warm thoughts and condolances.
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Bless your heart. I know your dad appreciated everything you did for him. Please try to take care of yourself.
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Stephanie, I am soooo sorry for your loss... I can't even imagine what you are going through....
I had a similar experience, but my father was saved... We were setup to do the kidney transplant in April and two days before the scheduled surgery they cancelled it and did open heart on my father first. When he was healed up from that we did the transplant in August....
I also had a friend who lost her father from a heart attack on the operating table.... You would think with all of the testing, they could determine these things. The best of luck to you and your family, and know that you did all you could... again my deepest condolensces....
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Thank you. I think losing him on the table would be the hardest thing to take. That is such a sad thing for your friend.
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My heart is so sad for you. I will sure be praying for you and your family!
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I am so, so sorry that you lost your dad... that must be very difficult considering you are going through your own recovery. I wish all the best in moving through such a rough time!
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I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words, nothing any of us can say to make it easier for you. Know that you have my deepest sympathy and admiration for the gift you gave your dad.
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Just now reading - my condolences to you and your family. I can't imagine the emotions and situation you find yourself in. However, like others I want to say thank you for doing everything you could do for your dad. I know that it was a difficult decision; however, the gift you gave was from your heart and in the end I wish you peace and hope your family comes together with love and support.
Long distance hugs and love from Mississippi - Scott
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Thank you to everyone who offered such kind words. Losing my dad for any reason hurts. Gladly, I find no regret in donating my kidney. It gave him hope and changed his life for a short period of time. I do wish things worked out differently, but while everyone at his viewing seemed to treat me with kidd gloves, I do not connect my gift with his death. It was his time. Period.
To answer my own question: shock. I definitely walked around in a bubble of denial for quite some time. Grieving is very difficult, but there is peace in much of this. God granted my dad a merciful death, which is what anyone can hope for.
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So sorry to hear this. Praying for you and your family.