Living Donors Online Message Board
Living Donation Discussion and News => Living Donation Forum => Topic started by: thehalls06 on September 28, 2014, 03:41:56 PM
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Just found this forum and I am curious if anyone has experienced issues with family/friends being so negative about your desire to be a Non Directive Kidney Donor? My medical testing begins next week and since being open and honest about it I have received more than a few "Are you crazy" "Why would you do that" "You're being selfish".... I'm caught between hoping I am alone in this, and wanting it to be a common reaction. It never occurred to me that anyone would find fault in wanting to be a kidney donor. I appreciate anyone's advice or testimony on how THEIR news was accepted.
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In my own case I encountered more people who thought it was "odd" rather than "crazy" to be a non-directed donor. My own theory is that most people know in their hearts that it is a really good thing to do, but since they are not at present willing to do it themselves they may lash out at those who actually decide to do it. But, that's just my theory. Just keep your own mind straight, and listen carefully and respectfully to those who offer intelligent arguments against non-directed donation, and then go calmly ahead with whatever you decide.
best wishes,
Fr. Pat
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Dear Ashley,
Many people react thoughtlessly, some out of concern for your, some out of self defence as this can be so challenging to contemplate. Best wishes to you on your path to donation. My own mother and sister, and a very close friend, were all very concerned and had a very difficult time accepting both my continued testing as a candidate and my final decision to donate. My family's come around, but my friend still thinks I was crazy and morally wrong to donate to a stranger instead of holding myself in reserve for my children, against their potential future need. Everyone must decide for themselves. Perhaps one of these presumably concerned family members or friends will ask a question that stops you. That's ok. Perhaps your decisions will strain relationships. You have to decide what's best for you. Take good care.
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I'll be honest...I would never have been a non-directed donor. I don't think it's crazy, but I personally would not make that kind of sacrifice for someone I was not emotionally connected to. Before I got involved with my husband, who needed a kidney, I had never dreamed I'd be donating an organ. Now I know I would have done it for any of my family or close friends, but a stranger? No. For me, there WAS a tangible benefit, I get to spend a healthy life with my husband and keep him around.
That being said, I would never tell a friend who wanted to donate non-directive that he/she was "crazy", though I would certainly do my best to make sure they had thought it through carefully. I've discovered that many people would not ever donate even to a loved one, so to that kind of person, it must seem truly crazy to consider donating to a stranger.
Think it through, talk to objective people and do what is best for you.
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I donated to a friend and was shocked to hear that type of comment from some of my co-workers. The most shocking statement came from a co-worker whom I always thought was a kind and giving person. It was: "You're giving a kidney and your not even related to him?! What's wrong with you?" I just thought to myself, absolutely nothing! I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to do this.
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Dear thehalls06,
Although many people are positive and supportive, it's not at all rare to hear negative comments. Often, family dynamics can be involved.
Particularly in your, non-directed case, it's possible to be fairly quiet about your donation plans. (For other reasons, I've told very very few people of my donation). There's definitely a strong case for talking about it, because many people (including some you may never know about) can be inspired to do likewise.
On the other hand, keeping it to yourself can be another option.
I hope you don't hear any more negative comments. We at LDO, anyway, think you're doing a great thing! Be happy, and good luck with your medical testing. Also--make good use of this forum--it's wonderful.
Be well, Snoopy
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Most people are acculturated to react out of fear so the people closest to you may fear losing you. And like Fr. Pat mentioned they're uncomfortable with the idea that they themselves aren't able to act altruistically so they use a label (crazy) to project that discomfort back at you. You're not crazy, you're just (unfortunately) unusual. Welcome to the crowd. ;D
Eldonna Edwards, Author
www.eldonnaedwards.com
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There's a doctor in my family who told me I shouldn't do it. I am reluctant to talk to her now because my creatinine is elevated and I am CKD3. I don't want to hear--I told you so. But she doesn't understand the blessing of being able to give.