Living Donation Discussion and News > Living Donation Forum

New and kinda freaking out

(1/2) > >>

ac711a:
Hi,

  I have been reading the posts on here for a while now.  I am donating a kidney to my mom througth the paired exchange program and we have been waiting 2 years.  Well,  we got the call today that through a chain of 8 people, the transplants should be happening around the end of June.  I have been through all the testing and all the talking to social workers and up until I got the call I was confident in my decision.   I still want to donate, just feeling anxious now about everything.  I read and read about it but the real person stories here help me the best.  So...   what if something happens to me during surgery or I am not healthy afterwards?  How will that affect my relationship with my mom?   What kind of guilt or feelings happen if the recipient rejects the kidney?  Would I feel that I wasted my kidney?  My son has polycystic kidneys so we know that someday he will need a transplant.  I have talked to his doctors about my decision and as my son is 18 and has 99% kidney function they say it will be a long time before he needs one.  Yet I still worry, thats what moms do.  I really thought I was ready for this but with the 2 year wait, I guess I got taken off guard.

PhilHoover:
You are asking very, very good questions.    Most of your questions are/have been considered by your Transplant Team---or at least they should have been.

In all the medical testing, the Transplant team members are just as concerned about YOU, the donor, as they are about the recipient--and vice versa.

I'd talk to my pastor/priest/minister, and also to the living donor coordinator....

Praying for you here.

Phil Hoover
Chicago

Sarah in Maine:
I donated for the benefit of my mother through the New England Program for Paired Kidney Exchange.  It ended up being a "list exhange" where I gave to a stranger at the top of the wait list and that allowed my mom to recieve a dececeased donor kidney within weeks instead of years. 

I can't speak to what happens between you and your mom.  Also, the cause of my mother's kidney failure was not genetic, and so my daughter does not have any unusual risk of kidney disease.  I know that I would be MORTIFIED if something happened to my daughter and she needed a kidney.  But, I also know that she has cousins and aunts, and, without any guaranty, I still feel that the chances of her finding a donor are pretty good if the need was ever there (and she has a low risk of the need).

How have things been between my mom and me since the donation?  Well, she didn't want me to donate in the first place, I had to convince her to 'allow' me to donate.  Since then, things have been good.  In a sort of joking/family-friendly way, I have some hallowed status as the Good Daughter who can Do-No-Wrong.  But, I'm also concerned that my mother may hesitate to let me know what is REALLY going on with her health now...in a way that is very different from pre-transplant when I was the go-to sibling for her to explain her health situations to.  Luckily, things seem to be good for now.  But I don't trust that I would know for sure if they were not so good.

Lucikly, my health has been fine, so I can't say how things would be if I was one of the unfortunate few to suffer complications from the donation.  I suspect that my mother would be crazy-guilty if I did have any complications, but (with 20-20 hindsignt and no complications) I suspect that the risk of that guilt is easy to bear compared to the risk of her untimely death or life-long dialysis experience.

We cannot predict the future, but only live in the present.  I wish you the best with this difficult decision.  Please do not hesitate to email me if you'd like more info on my own experience.
Regards.
Sarah

lawphi:
I was in your position.  Never in a million years did I think a kidney would actually be found for my high PRA husband.  He was on the table within three months of listing at a new center.   

You have a tough position regarding your son.  However, the technology is changing and he would be better off receiving a kidney from a younger donor through a swap program. Most programs try to match the age of the donors within a few years.

My surgery will be at the end of June as well. I wake up in a panic sometimes.  My coordinator has been really great at hand holding and making sure my recovery expectations are realistic.  I met some great people on this site that donated at my center. 

It really helps that my husband has received his kidney already and is doing fantastic. 

Scott337:
I think you're courageous just for considering donation.  I donated last October to a young man I'd never met.  I wasn't ever really apprehensive until I met with the surgeon and nephrologist who informed me of the risks, especially considering I was healthy and didn't have to have the surgery or donate the kidney.  I still wanted to donate, but for the first time really considered the potential for complications and how they would ultimately affect my wife, my adult daughters, work, etc.... 

Your transplant coordinator and social worker should be your supportive and constant advocates for making certain you are well informed/educated about the paired-transplant process, that you are both physically and emotionally prepared to donate and recover.

There are risks and your transplant team should make certain you are well informed.  Coming to terms with those risks are a personal issue.  You'll know if you've come to terms with them and hopefully you have an adequate support system both within the transplant team and through friends and family. 

I pray your decision brings you peace either way.  Thanks for considering such a generous act and the gift of life for someone else.

Scott

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page