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New and kinda freaking out

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Jane Zill:
 I was in a similar position because I had a brother and a sister who needed a transplant.  But they were my peers, not a parent or a child.  In my opinion, your first obligation is to your son.  In my situation, it turns out that my sister received a deceased donor transplant that has served her perfectly for nearly 30 years and my brother received the living related transplant and did not do well.

I am now the mother of two teenage boys.  I would be sickened if one of them needed a transplant at anytime in their lives and I would not be able to donate.  I personally disagree with the advice you have received to ignore your son’s need because it is in the future sometime.  To me, that is akin to not saving for college – you know it’s coming – prepare.  Life goes by fast – as a mother of a teenager, I’m sure you know how quickly time can fly.

I encourage you to consider that the burden of your son’s illness now, even with great kidney function, is already a psychosocial one.   Does he anticipate renal failure in his future?  How does this impact his launch into adult life, his beliefs about his future, and his confidence in a positive future?  Does he worry about finding a donor?   How might his self-esteem be impacted by your decision to donate now to your mother, in light of his uncertain future?  Even if he demonstrates maturity and stoicism, this should not be taken as evidence that he is not impacted in someway.  Is he aware of his grandmother’s poor health and that he might have a similar future?  How might your decision to donate to your mom impact his feelings towards you and towards her?  What if he can’t find a donor?

How long before your son has kidney failure? If you give to your mother, how long is the graft expected to last? 

What is your renal function?  Has anyone estimated for you how much renal function you should regain after donation?   Will you have renal insufficiency?  If you have long-term health problems, and they emerge when your son might become symptomatic, will you be available to assist him?  What if his illness causes psychosocial problems, like job loss or divorce?  ESDR, as you know, can be devastating.

Regarding short-term outcomes for yourself, be sure that you know who is doing your surgery and that this person has done many of them – not 10 or 15.   In the context of KPD, you may not have the luxury to choose your surgeon.  Be certain that the person who is to do your surgery is also the person who receives your informed consent.

I wish you the best as your sort through this very difficult situation.
 
   Your,  Jane Zill

ac711a:
Thank you for all the responses,  gave me alot more to think about.  I have calmed down quite a bit now am positive about my decision.  My mom is my best friend and I want to do this for her.  I am very lucky that my son and my mom are also very close, so he supports my decision.  I do worry about my mom not being truthful after the transplant, so as not to worry me.  That was not something I had thought of yet so thanks for the heads up.  Again,  thank you all and as time gets closer I will keep you all updated

PhilHoover:
Still thinking about you here...and please keep us updated on what is happening. We want to be praying for you when the surgery time comes.

ac711a:
Thank you,   waiting for word on when surgery will happen.  There are so many people involved and trying to get us all to agree on a time seems to be taking longer than I thought it would.  I am confident in my decision now but nervous about surgery.  will keep you posted when I know anything more.  Again, thank you, the support given here is amazing

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