Living Donors Online Message Board
Living Donation Discussion and News => Living Donation Forum => Topic started by: sleepr on March 26, 2011, 09:44:39 PM
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Hey the new message board looks great, it's been quite a while since I stopped in last. Thanks for all the work.
OK here's my dilemma. I donated to my ex girlfriend in Jan of 2010. I am now hoping to start seeing other people. My ex and I will always have this link and still remain close friends to this day.
What and when is the best time to discuss the donation and its significance with any potential new interest. Right away, or wait. Will a potential love interest feel threatened by the information.
I'm still not used to the "hero" worship when others find out about the donation and have just learned I'm to receive a medal from the local transplant program.
Any insight from others in similar situations or from any who donated and then entered a new relationship is welcomed.
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I have not had this situation, sleepr, but just an opinion for you.
The way I see it, the kidney donation is just a part of the overall "me" - it does not define me. I don't introduce myself as "Hi! I'm Diane and I donated a kidney!"
It's not a serious underlying medical problem (like having cancer) that someone should know. I am sure there are many other outstanding qualities in your personality and interesting aspects of your life that would be more pertinent to a new relationship.
Don't worry about it - when the time is right to share the information, you will know it. Good luck, just relax, and happy dating!
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As a female that went on a lot of dates before meeting my husband. If you aren't exclusive don't mention it unless she asks you about the ex girl-friend. Once you guys decide you are only going to see each other is the time to tell her that you are still friends with one of your exes and then you can lead into why, but don't go into details unless she asks for them. Just my two cents.
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Random thought as I was reading your "dilemma": I'll bet there are many nice girls out there in the dating pool who donated kidneys themselves. You'd have something in common right off the bat! :D
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Audrey, about two weeks before I encountered Channy (liver and kidney donor), I made the following remark to my cousin. "I'm not dating ANYONE ever again... unless he's a living organ donor."
As if by some channeling twist-o-fate, there he was. Now I'm madly in love.
;D
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This made me giggle, lol.
As a Surrogate people do try to 'hero worship' you XD. Very embarrassing sometimes, lol. Honestly. I say there is no bad time to mention it, but just don't mention it to earn praise. Just smile and go, "Yup, I'm a Surro!" (Or in your case a donor, and my future case) if it comes up.
Besides, not mentioning it till it comes up another way is somehow both humbling, and ego boosting. Take pride in what you've done.
Honestly. I think it would totally be sexy to see a guy have a scar and go 'Ooh, how'd you get that', and then him going ;) I donated to save a life. <<<Hot.
That's my suggestion anyway =P.
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I agree with the others. You donating a kidney to your ex girlfriend is an overall part of who you are. I would not bring it up right away. I would tell her after you have got to know her enough that you know she is someone who has serious potential for a long term relationship. I also think it will show what a caring and giving person you are to go to such great lenghts to help someone else out.
As Audrey mentioned, you never know, maybe she will have donated too! :)
Best of Luck to you!
Linda
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If the "current interest" wants to know about some of the "highlights" or "milestones" in your life....being a living kidney donor would be one.
You don't have to tell her who the recipient was...unless you really want to tell her.
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Thanks for all the replies! I have started dating a new woman and I ended up telling her relatively early in the process. I felt it was important for her to know I would always have this link with my ex, and that she would need to be OK with it. The last thing I wanted was to start seeing someone who couldn't deal with the "baggage" that it might create. So far so good! It was funny though as we spoke about making a difference in the world before she knew about the donation; my stock went up in her mind when I told her. :)
Now comes the fun part of having both of them at this medal ceremony! Yikes.