Hi Vickykids, First of all, let me say that your husband is doing a wonderful thing, but sometimes you need to hear more than that. As a recent kidney donor myself, I hope my experience will help during your husband's recovery.
My surgery went like clockwork and I felt the bloating, gas and pain as expected, but the hospital provided meds for all of this. I was surprised that the upper body gas pain ran across both shoulders, but I was told that was normal post-surgery and it did pass in a few days. Walking and burping helped. The worst part was waiting for that first bowel movement, but when it finally came I felt so much better. I walked as much as I could after surgery to pass gas, but made sure to stop if I felt pain. After surgery, pack very loose pants for your husband to go home in. He will be bloated and have incisions that may be sensitive, so the less constricting the better. And bring slip on shoes or slippers as he will not want to bend over to put them on. Your husband might want to consider a nightshirt for sleeping at home. I regret that I didn't pack a loose dress instead of jeans.
At home there will still be bloating, gas and pain as the incisions heal, but it gets better every day, AS LONG AS HE DOESN"T OVERDO IT. I emphasize this because 2 weeks after surgery I bent down to pull some stuff from under the bed which caused one of my incisions to open and become infected which sent me back to bed for a week. So tell hubby to stick to walking and avoid strenuous stuff. Taking safe walks helps gas pass and keeps the organs fit. Prepare the family for the passing of gas, it's a natural way to heal and is a needed relieving thing to do.
It took me a while to get my appetite back (gas again and the remnants of IV medicine taste) but I tried to eat solids as much as possible to keep the bowels moving. Also, the pain meds (percocet in my case) can cause constipation so I made sure to take the stool softener that the hospital gave me. I still get tired during the day, which is expected, so I take a nap mid afternoon. I was on pain meds for 2 weeks after surgery but now I can get by with tylenol or nothing.
I am now in week 4 post surgery and still have discomfort around the abdomen and find it "crampy" to stretch, push, pull and bend as much as I used to before surgery. Common belief is that after 3 weeks you can return to normal activities but I think that may be overly optimistic. I was able to walk 4 miles every morning before surgery, yet I am in no shape to do that yet, so "normal activity" is a relative term. A good rule of thumb is "If it hurts, don't do it". Fortunately for me, I am retired so I have no need to return to work, and I hope your husband can have the time he needs. His doctor would best advise him on returning to work.
My advice to you as a caretaker is to give yourself a break and prepare meals ahead of time, make the home easy to navigate for hubby. He should be able to take care of his own hygiene and do small tasks himself, like make coffee or sandwiches as long as everything is in reach. I found that I couldn't lift a gallon of milk so my husband bought milk and other things in small quantities that I could handle. We also put my favorite foods on the top shelf of the fridge so I could reach them without bending. Likewise we put bread, cereal, snacks on the counter so that I would not have to reach for them. You may also want to get extra pillows for the bed (sleeping with raised shoulders helps with gas pain). Forget about housekeping, and be patient with the patient. If you can, get someone to take the kids for a while so you can have some time with hubby to relax or maybe for you to take a breather. And above all, ask for and accept help. Friends and family brought food for me and my husband and it was a great help to us.
I never experienced depression but I do get cranky because I am frustrated that I cannot yet do all the things I want to. I know I will eventually. But really, the best feeling in the world and the felling that makes it all worthwhile, is that I have given my brother the gift of life. I have no regrets. I wish you and husband the best of luck. If I can guve you any more info, please let me know.
Cheers,
Krysia