They don't make it easy do they?

[rdr321]

   6 months ago after meeting someone who donated a kidney. I showed up at the hospital and stated testing to donate my spare kidney to start a chain of donations. I was told it would be about 2 to 3 months for the whole proccess. I was approved by the commitee after 2.5 months. After being approved to donate I had problems with the coodinator returning calls. After calling her boss those problems stoped. Now after 3.5 months 7 dofferent chains of donations have broken down. I don't know nor do I need to know all the reasons. One reason was because the person who was going to get my kidney got offered a cadaver kidney the day after we accepted to do the chain,they took the cadaver kidney. That was a bummer. There was 17 pairs in that chain. Alot of people bummed out over that. I have just given more blood for anbother tissue match and chain. I told the coodinator that I need to have the surgery by Aug 31st. So they need to do whatever they need to do to make it happen. They do cadavers in a couple days. They can do me in a month and a half. That is what I told her. I now know it can take alot longer to donate then 6 months. I would have done it anyways, but this is really starting to screw with my life on hold. I won't pull out after the aug anyway.
  To me is really it is not a big deal to donate the kidney. I don't understand why more people don't do it. I look at the profiles on matchingdonors.com and all the suffering those people are going thru.  But most people seem to not care or are indifferent if others suffer.  My family, wife and friends think I am crazy. I have not gone around telling people but my wife has to get me to change my mind. One friend and his wife said. " You should only do it for family and not for a stanger". I don't like that at all.
   I did not want to pick the person who gets the kidney. I do not like the driscriminating of others to do it. Just because I like someones horrible story over anothers I should pick them. Not so sure. The woman I met who donated her kidney, works at the yoga studio where I teach. She has told people. I had a woman come to me before class. She was almost crying and asked me to get tested to give the kidney to her son in law. So I can be a hero? Because she knows me and everyone at the studio will think I am a wonderfull person for giving it to her son in law? I told her I was already matched with someone. The suffering that family is going through is the same as every other family. Anyways a chain helps alot more people, and frees up cadaver kidneys. I think.
  Just putting some thoughts down
 

[sherri]

Sounds like you are having a tough time getting to the final donation process. It is a long long process especially if you participate in a chain since, as you have come to find out, there are more and more links along the way so more and more changes can happen.

Being part of a chain appears to help more because you get more people transplanted. But even if you would decide to help an individual recipient then you would be helping all the others on the list move up. Often we think about the quantity. In your 16 pair exchange one would assume 8 people would get kidneys. How many people in those chains are on their second or third transplant, how many are more at risk of rejecting or have so many other co morbidities that the chance of the kidney lasting is lower than another? I am not trying to judge but what I am trying to say, is that what appears more or better on one hand often cannot be evaluated fairly because we just don't know. No one does. So if you decide to offer your donation to a single person you may be saving one life but you never know the ramifications. The gift is precious no matter. I understand why the chain seem so much more desirable but you can make a difference even with the one. Just something to think about.

You also mentioned why you couldn't understand why more people don't do this or are somehow indifferent to people's suffering because otherwise they would do this. Donating a kidney is a big deal. While it is often considered a "spare" because most people can live with one, it is elective surgery with real risks. I am sure the hospital has explained the risks of bleeding, hernias, infection, even death, future health complications or probelms obtaining insurance.So it is not that people are indifferent to suffering they may not be able to assume that risk. So I can certainly understand why people do not volunter to donate. If it were as easy as giving a pint of blood all the doctors and nurses who work with all the patients they see day in and day out would have given up their "spare" if they passed the medical tests.

Just some of my thoughts in response to yours. This is a stressful time. the waiting is tough and it takes so many pieces for everything to fall into place. I hope you get to donate when you want to and in a chain you desire. Best wishes for a healthy and positive donation experience.

Sherri

[lawphi]

You have the option to request your HLA data and have it compared to her son in law.  Prepare yourself not to be a match.  You can contact his center's living donor and fax your HLA profile in.   You could also enter a chain with him as your "recipient". 

I would request to start a bridge donor chain.  You can donate on a date convenient to you and their loved one can donate a few weeks later.

[carmelpi]

You know, you don't actually need to be an HLA match (in living donors, the only real difference it makes is if you are a 0 or a 6).  Also, if you are having problems at your center you can request a copy of your records and go to a different center.  That's what I would do, tbh.

[rdr321]

I just got a surgery date yesterday. Aug 15. And the woman who's son-in-law needed a kidney found a friend whom matched. I don't know many details about who gets my kidney. All I know is male and it will be flying first class back east for the chain to start. I live in southern california

[Fr Pat]

Congratulations! Lots of helpful hints for your hospital experience at www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/infotips.cfm
       Fr. Pat

[lawphi]

I agree Carmel.  People can be HLA snobs.  We tested numerous donors for my husband and they would get very upset when they did not match (re-transplant, PRA 94%).  Very few had any antigens in common.

I also got emotional when I was told that my recipient had a history of positive crossmatches and he may not be able to receive my kidney. Thankfully, my kidney was the right one for him. 

My husband's kidney came from Northwestern.  Isn't that where you donated?