Donating to my mother-in-law

[ccd1025]

My mother-in-law has been on dialysis for 1 year now and I really want to donate to her. My wife has been struggling with her mothers situation and fears if she gets pregnant this year she will be unable to donate or the opposite. She is going to be 35, we both want to have children soon and she knows she is already at a high risk for pregnancy. I have told her that I would donate for her because I see the pain it causes my wife to see her mother going through treatments. I have a little fear of the outcome of the surgery, as well as the fear of the surgery itself. Will I be able to function afterwards? What if I bleed out on the table? How will life change after the transplant? Is there any advise that someone can give to make me feel less scared with my decision? I see a lot of post about people feeling fatigued afterward and since I am a coach, is this going to change the upbeat attitude that I need to do my job? I know this would be the best thing for us, I would just like to know someones post-op experience.

[elephant]

Dear ccd,

It is wonderful you are considering helping your mother-in-law.  If you donate now, and some years in the future she needs a second transplant, your wife might be able to donate then. 

The chance for adverse outcomes from surgery (short term) is well known, and if you enter into the donor testing process you will learn all about it.  Death is very very rare, but has occurred.  The same is true of any surgery, or any other activity for that matter. 

Fatigue post-surgery is common.  I certainly experienced it. Depending on the patient, this passes in days or weeks.  You will likely miss several weeks of work while you are recovering, especially if you have an active job as a coach.  Scheduling surgery around a break in your work might be helpful.  If you read some of the prior posts here you will gather lots of information and advice. 

The change in the recipient is much more dramatic than the change in the donor.  It is amazing to witness the improvement that can occur in less than one day.   You might find that contributes a lot to an upbeat attitude towards life.

Love, elephant

[CK]

I agree with elephant-I am almost at my 2-year anniversary of donation and I feel exactly as I did before the donation. The surgery was about as easy as major surgery can be, for me-I was in the hospital 24 hours and back to work in 3 weeks (could have done 2 weeks but took another off to help my recipient).

All I can advise is to do your research, talk to your doctors and anyone you trust to give you objective advice and do a lot of soul-searching. I was afraid too; but I finally decided that if the only reason I had for NOT doing it was fear, that wasn't good enough for me.

BTW, my recipient (my husband) is doing great and has had no complications or problems. He was 47 and otherwise very  healthy so I knew we had a good shot at a good outcome.

[Orchidlady]

It is not uncommon to be fearful - your response in normal.

I remember how petrified I was the whole time leading up to the donation. I had never been in the hospital and had never had any surgery before that time. I stewed about it, I cried, I lost sleep. I just knew that somehow I would be "damaged" when it was over and done. There really was no one I could talk with, and I certainly did not want my husband (the recipient) to know how scared I was. I even remember being in the pre surgery holding area shaking so bad from fear. I will tell you that, the day after, one of my first thoughts was that it really wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be in my fertile imagination. 

There were several things I did that helped calm some of my fears. One was finding this board. There was a lot of support from everyone on here. As well, I asked my transplant center to be paired up with a "buddy" who had just gone through the surgery (and there is also a buddy program on this site) - it helped a lot to be able to talk to someone who understood.  And read, read, read - anything I could get my hands on that talked about donation.

Good luck to you both. Hope this helps.

[ccd1025]

I followed through with the surgery and Donated to my MIL. I am in my 4th week of recovery. It is one of the most rewarding feelings I have ever had. Knowing that I was able to help her get of dialysis and gave her a longer life fills my heart with so much joy. She is so grateful that I was able to help her but the feeling I have is indescribable. I wake up knowing she will be better. Thank you all for the support. 

[Mooge]

Congratulations! You've done a wonderful thing. Isn't it a fantastic feeling?

[Fr Pat]

Dear "ccd...",
       Congratulations to you and the whole family! Take good care of yourself now, to recover well and to maintain good health in the future.
   Fr. Pat