Emotional rollercoaster

[fredpeh]

Hello everyone,
I haven't posted any messages for quite a while since my plans for my kidney donation have been on and off. I am an Eastern Orthodox priest and I offered to donate a kidney to a young man in my church.  I finished all the testing back in January and was approved to be a donor.  Since we do not match blood types we were to be part of a paired exchange.  I've spent months reading everything on this site, and other sites and reading books and articles to prepare myself.

 Then a friend of this young man stepped forward and offered to donate and he is a match.  So I was no longer needed to donate.  Then his friend was found to have a cardiac issue and he was disqualified and I was the donor again.  Then the transplant cardiologist cleared him to donate and I was off.  Yesterday I had a phone call and it seems this friend is having "second thoughts" and I may be the donor after all. 

After all of this time preparing myself I am more than willing to go forward but after yesterday's phone call I'm beginning to  feel that I'm on "Candid Camera" (if anybody remembers that show!).  It is an absolute emotional roller coaster.  I have put my life and my future in the Lord's hands but it is frustrating not knowing what to expect.  I suppose this is faith:  trusting in the Lord despite not knowing what the future holds.  I

I wish we could just get it over with already!  I am committed to going through with this donation if needed.  I also have worked for 20+ years as a hospice chaplain and I have watched many young fathers and mothers die and there was nothing I could do to help them.  In this case, I can make a difference and save someone's life. 


Thanks for letting me vent.  I don't want to share my feelings with the man I will be donating to, I don't want him to feel bad since most of this is out of his control.  I'll keep everyone posted on what develops.

Father Ed

[ohtobeahayes]

Hi, Father Ed! And welcome!
Gosh, you aren't kidding. That is quite the roller coaster you're on. I know that it seems very hard when your life really is kind of at a stand still until you know one way or another what's going to happen. I felt that way, and I was an anonymous donor so there wasn't really any "real" waiting of any kind, so I can only imagine how this feels.

If you end up not being the donor for your friend, are you going to donate anonymously to someone anyway since you've done the testing? You didn't say.

My love and prayers are joining yours, for resolution one way or another to come, and as quickly as possible!  Whatever the outcome, in hindsight may we be able to say "Look! That turned out perfectly and the timing couldn't have been better!"

Thank you for your heart!
Nicki

[Prelude_Sarah]

I'm very sorry to hear that you've had such a turbulent time lately Father Ed.  My donation process was also very turbulent.  I had always thought that I would be donating my kidney to my younger sister when I was much older than I am now.  My sister has chronic kidney failure, and it's likely that she will need another kidney in the future.  We had several people test to donate to her, but none of them were as close of a match as me.  My thought process was this: "we are so blessed to have these other people come forward right now.  What if there is no one else to come forward 15 or 20 years from now?  I can't donate both of my kidneys, so maybe I should wait until later in life to donate when there aren't so many other potential donors".  It turned out that my sister wasn't comfortable with anyone else donating but me.  So, at 26, 5 weeks ago, I donated my left kidney to my sister.  It was such an emotional roller coaster.  My sister wasn't herself and was sometimes less than considerate of the whole situation (I made some posts about this in the past).  Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, hang in there.  I know it's very stressful right now, but it will all be a distant memory before you even know it.  I will keep you in my prayers, and I know that everything will work out just as its meant to.

Much love,

Sarah

[Scott337]

Fr. Ed,

I consider myself a very spiritual person and try to be faithful in believing my life DOES have purpose and direction. Considering I'm only human, I don't necessarily get to know what that purpose and direction is before it presents.  Faith is simply believing that YOUR path reveals itself as you move through life.  We need only be ready and WILLING to act, to be positive, to overcome, to forgive and to love.  Your willingness to be so courageous and selfless in your gift, especially given the on-again/off-again status, says something about your conviction and faith in what you are doing.

Continue to be patient, open and understanding of the process.  I'm certain you'll look back on this time, smile and realize what a wonderful and humbling experience it is to help give life to someone in need and how amazing the Holy Spirit's ability to move us truly is.

You have a wonderful heart and good luck - please keep us informed and we will pray for you and your eventual recipient, whomever that becomes.

Scott    

[PhilHoover]

The LORD sees AND controls that roller coaster, Padre!

[Fr Pat]

     My own donation process (9 years ago) was pretty much smooth sailing, so I can only try to imagine what those ups-and-downs must fel like! Your intended recipient is very fortunate to have more than one possible donor.
            Fr. Pat

[pilotjjc3]

I can relate to your story.  I was scheduled to be the donor for a friend.  I had myself all psyched up to donate and was preparing to go.  Then, my friend had another donor that felt compelled to donate and that they wanted to use and I became the backup.  I put the entire process out of my mind and moved on with life.  Two weeks before the schedule surgery, the other donor backed out.  I had to quickly change gears and mentally prepare for the surgery.  I also felt like it was an emotional roller coaster, but I believe everything happens for a reason.

Since you are a priest, I'll share a "religous" moment I had the day after the surgery.  Throughout the process, people kept telling me how I was making huge sacrifice.  The day after surgery, I had some complications and it was a really rough day for me.  As I was laying there, I kept thinking that it was unfair that I made the big sacrifice, but I was the one in such rough shape.  Then I thought about Christ sacrifice on the cross and it really put things into perspective for me.  Here I was, with nurses and doctors taking care of me, pain meds and a large group of friends and family supporting me, yet Christ had none of that on the cross and he was still willing to go through a lot worse than I went through for me.  That really made an impact on me.  I realized I had nothing to complain about.

Good luck with this and I'll keep you in my prayers.  It is a wonderful thing you are doing.  Even if it doesn't work out with this person, maybe there is someone else who could use your kidney.

[Scott337]

Pilot - what a great accounting of faith - thanks for your giving heart - you ARE someone's hero my friend.  God bless you!


Scott

[jstx]

Father Ed,

I'm just seconding what everyone else here has said.  You are such a wonderful inspiration of what it means to give selflessly!  And what a testimony of perseverance that you've been so steadfast in your offer to help this young man even through the ups and downs which are some of the best times to learn lessons in faith.  God bless with however this turns out; know that we are praying for you.

[fredpeh]

Thank you to all who responded to my post.  As of today, no news...it's still up in the air.  The question was raised if I am willing to donate to someone else if my parish member uses his friend as a donor.  I am willing and inclined to still donate  anonymously.  I know that a simple "yes" on my part will save someone'se life.  If it were my decision alone, I would do it.  However things are complicated.

 My family (my wife, daughter, and parents) have all been opposed to my donating a kidney to anyone.   Also several of my close friends were also opposed.  Their argument goes something like: "you want to help a man with a family, you have a family to be responsible for also!"   I've reminded them how low risk the surgery is and how people with a single kidney live normal lives.  The only one who was supportive was my sister.  My family were allowing me to do this  but were clearly unhappy with my decision.  When my mother saw my parish member at Easter services with his 3 little children, her heart was softened, somewhat.   To tell my entire family that now I'm going to donate to a stranger...I'm less inclined to "push my luck". 

Father Ed

[shelley]

Fr. Ed, I really believe that since God moved your heart to donate to your parish member in the first place, he will make the way clear for you to know your next steps.  He didn't bring you this far to leave you now!

I can really understand your family's position, they really love you and can't bear the thought of losing you.  You can probably show them all the stats in the world about how safe donation is, but their fear is greater than facts.  And love is greater than fear.  Your love will overcome.

[Scott337]

Fr Ed,

My family was much the same way at first.  My wife didn't really become acceptant until just before the surgery, when she realized this really was going to happen and then when she had a chance to meet the recipient and his family (in particular his mother and sister) her heart melted also.  I think she was able to see for the first time, from a mother's perspective.  

Just as an information point, it seems like family members are nearly as overwhelmed as the rest of us;  with emotion, fear, anxiety and uncertainty.  I'm not certain it is for us to try to convince people but to simply trust that God has a purpose and a plan for us that will only be revealed in His time.  I pray for your realization of his plan for you.  Rest easy my friend.

Scott    

[Aries7]

Hi Father Ed,

I just want to say I am so sorry for this roller coaster ride of emtions you are going through. I really believe that if you do not end up donating to this young man, that God may have someone else in mind for you to donate to. I agree with Shelley, God didn't bring you this far for nothing.

Please know I am keeping you, your recipient and families in my prayers. Please let us know how things turn out.

God Bless!

Linda