Our daughter Jenna had a positive crossmatch 3 days before her transplant (prior tests had shown no problem) - but doctors felt that with desensitization they could minimize this problem, so we went forward with the surgery. Now, after chronic rejection over the last 5 1/2 years, she needs a new kidney. Doctors know more now about tissue matching than even 6 years ago, and feel that this B cell sensitivity contributed to her loss of the kidney. The bigger problem now is that Jenna has "donor-specific antibodies" and has become 100% sensitized, meaning she would reject 100% of the general population's kidneys. Finding a donor is going to be even harder than the first time. I mention all this because I think there are 2 things to consider: One, the final crossmatch was (in Jenna's case) an expensive, all encompassing test that shows even a mild reaction (although sounds like your case is a big difference in antibody levels); and two, it's good to have the best possible match for the recipient, as well as avoiding having a donor go through the risk of surgery for what might end up to be a short term gain.
I am sorry for all the frustration - you really have gona above and beyond and I hope it all works out in the end. I agree with the others, the recipient could enter a paired donation exchange and if you're willing, could eventually get a transplant due to your donation to another patient.
Good luck!