It's so discouraging. Had surgery scheduled but with a new surgeon. We're right down to the wire and scheduling pre-op appointments and tests and I just ask for them to confirm that this surgeon can do the incision at the bikini line like I had discussed with the initial surgeon months ago and the transplant coordinator. There was a sudden silence on the line and apparently they're not sure?!?
Throughout this process I think it's the first time I've felt angry. I've told them repeatedly, after being told I could choose, that this is what I want. It's the one thing I ask. The one need I clearly communicated repeated and apparently it's not even an afterthought. I'm sure for the transplant team this is a minor issue, their whole goal being to make people better, but I'm still going to wear the scars.
And now there's the added guilt of knowing that there is someone out there, waiting for my kidney, and I may be holding things up for what is cosmetic reasons, yet I don't understand why they would just ignore what I had asked them from the get go and went ahead and scheduled things. I felt strangely as though what I wanted wasn't important. Hate to say it but it did make me feel like just a source for an organ, not a person and was a massive blow to my trust.