I am newly pregnant, so it would be a long, long wait for me to be eligible. I nurse for at least 12 months, and already know that surgery and nursing do not mix for me (had gall bladder removed while nursing). That is the only reason I exclude myself at this time. I am more comfortable with me undergoing surgery because I have a high pain tolerance and I know I react fine to anesthesia, morphine, etc. plus no lost income. I feel like the short-term risk is much lower for me, plus isn't it always scarier to have a spouse in the hospital? Getting pregnancy labs done this week, so I will find out what blood type I am at the least.
Been doing piles of reading while stuck in bed with horrible morning sickness--first the official info, then 40 pages of forum posts on here and the entire living donors are people too site. :-) absolutely invaluable info! The family seems to be under the impression that it is "minor surgery," you can get money to cover lost income, no long-term effects, etc. unfortunately, with my experience with medical professionals, I do not believe them when they say things like, " you don't need that random organ." On the other hand, if it was MY sister, none of this would ultimately matter, so I will not make the decision for my husband or guilt him either way. I honestly have no clue which direction he will go on this, because he is entirely brave and heroic, yet his immediate family always comes first. The financial hit is his biggest concern, I know that seems kinda crazy when it is someone's quality of life or maybe actual life on the line, but soon-to-be 3 kids to feed and no one is going to necessarily help US if we burn up our entire savings.
Besides reviewing our life and health insurance policies, I think some loooong, direct conversations are in order. His family is not the most communicative lol, which is why the whole thing caught us somewhat by surprise, when there could have been years to plan for this. I understand SIL doesn't want to complain and doesn't want to straight out ask, but you can't just ignore this. She mentioned off hand that the peritoneal dialysis is not working very well. In the same conversation that she mentioned that only the two siblings could potentially donate, which was the first I had heard. As far as I know, she has no idea that dh is type o. She also mentioned that another brother was talking about setting up a FB page to try and find a donor, which makes me think the situation is getting bad. Clearly we are not close if we had no clue that things were to this point! I think that is why I am kinda in shock and feeling pressure.
Good advice about making a decision before getting too far in the process or even before informing anyone if he is a match. Dh is extremely healthy, so to me the only hurdles for approval are the family history of heart issues, cross matching, and if a social worker would disqualify us due to financial concerns (the self employed, lost income thing). Possibly we need to look into some kind of disability insurance? Although privately, those usually only cover a small percentage and have significant waiting periods for any decent coverage.
Anyway, thanks for providing a safe place to vent and learn and come to terms with all this in my head!