Hi.
I'm brand new to this forum and at this time I'm a potential living donor for my mom. My mom went into renal failure in December 2015. I was 33. No questions asked I said that if she needed a Kidney and I could give it to her, I would. I guess that's where it starts.
Long story short - My mom went into Kidney failure 3 times over 3 years and the last one stuck, she's been on Dialysis for the last year. Now, she's starting the process to look into getting a Kidney transplant and as I told her in 2015, I'd be willing to be a donor. Since COVID-19 is impacting everything, we've only had her initial meeting where they said she was a good candidate and I've filled out the paperwork to be a living donor. I do know that I'm healthy, my kidney functions are great, and I have the same blood type, so I'm hoping I'm a good donor for my mom.
She's my mom, I would never second guess giving her my kidney to prolong and better her life.
Here's my ... concern. My mom is in Kidney Failure due to a lifetime of not taking care of herself.
My mom is a 66-year-old woman who has had poor eating habits her entire life, at least I know she has my entire life - I'm 37. She likes potatoes and pasta more than veggies and fruits. Her idea of exercise is walking around a store shopping. She would quit diets before she started. When I was 19, she was 320 pounds, diagnosed with diabetes, and opted for Gastric Bypass surgery to lose weight. She lost weight, but never changed her habits. She continued to drink soda and eat potatoes and pasta and junk food and avoid vegetables and fruit and anything remotely good for you. Her diabetes never subsided, nor was it treated and when her kidney functions started decreasing, she didn't take it seriously. She'd still take ibuprofen for pain, she took so many drugs for all of her medical issues rather than addressing the causes. Doctors are to blame too because they prescribed the medications. She'd complain of something, they'd explain it's likely due to her weight/eating habits/diabetes, etc. and she'd get upset and they'd just prescribe something to her anyway.
Even after 3 Kidney failures requiring dialysis and lengthy hospital stays, she hasn't changed her diet. She figures as long as her numbers are good, she's fine. She eats a ton of tomatoes during the summer knowing that tomatoes are something she should limit with her kidney functions.
I'm not trying to be overly judgmental of my mom and her habits.
Here's an example of her regular habits:
Today for breakfast she ate potato chips with a cheese dipping sauce with sweet tea.
a couple of hours later she ate half a party size bag of Cheetos Puffs, a fudgesicle, and a bottle of soda.
for dinner, she had 2 air fried drumsticks, some mashed potatoes with gravy, and corn with sweet tea.
(Corn is literally the only vegetable she eats).
On the other hand, I stopped drinking soda when I was a teenager because it's not good for you and it wasn't something I felt I needed to continue to drink. I've never been overly healthy or overly unhealthy but knowing my mom wanted to start the Kidney transplant process, I've been working hard and I've lost 25 lbs over the last 3 months to get myself into a healthier place for testing and donation. I'm using Weight Watchers to help in weight loss but also to help establish healthier habits, exercising regularly and researching life after Kidney donation and what I can do to ensure I remain healthy with only one Kidney.
My biggest concern is that I'm going to donate my kidney to my mom to help prolong her life, but that she's not going to change her habits and that my kidney won't prolong her life for very long.
So I guess I'm here to see if anyone has had a similar experience. If Kidney transplant patients don't change, if anywhere in the transplant process a Dietician may intervene. Or if, as long as her numbers are in the right ranges, she can continue eating unhealthy.
If I try to have discussions with her about her unhealthy eating habits, she just gets angry. My dad is an enabler, and he tries but she gets mad at him too and at times, he's even defended her when I've brought something up.
I will give her my Kidney regardless, but I sure would love for her to treat it better and help prolong her life by finally maintaining a healthy lifestyle. If anyone has any tips for how to talk to her, who I could talk to during the process, or how to deal with her continuing her unhealthy habits after her transplant, I'd love some insight.