Hi, Friends!
I'm sorry that I don't visit here as often anymore. Life got in the way, and the kidney donation became just something that I did. But I need some love anyway, please.
A little background: I started a kidney chain (it was the Midwest's first!
) 6 years ago this coming July. The kidney chain got to meet one another that November. It was great. My health and my kidney are still awesome. My recipient and I kept in touch via facebook.
Very sadly, he is currently on life support after a cardiac arrest. They've tried everything they can. He will be taken off of life support very soon. It's pretty terrible...his kidney doesn't work anymore, so he's on dialysis. A pacemaker is beating his heart, the vent is breathing for him. There are a million medications and lines going into him. It's no way to "live". His kids will have to be the ones to say when. They are...we all are, devastated.
I am not sad about the kidney. He gained 25 pounds after the transplant, he got to go to Mexico and Arizona (he was wheelchair bound, 90 pounds with not much time left before he told me), he met and is best buddies with his first and only grandchild. He had a really good almost 6 years despite his on going heart issues.
But I'm SAD! I want another kidney to donate again. I don't want this beautiful thing to be over. I would donate to him again and again and again, to him and to anyone.
Everyone is very fast to tell me what a great 6 years he had. I know. His children were so thankful when I went to say goodbye to S and meet them last night. I know, I understand, I do. I do! I knew this day would come some day. And I don't want him to suffer. Can I stop trying to explain this yet? I can't put it into words. I loved getting his messages and notes and I'm just sad.
Hold me? And forgive me for not visiting more often?
Thank you,
Nicki