Need some comfort

[cupid]

I donated a kidney three years go to someone I thought was my friend. Recently he has shown his true colors and has become a very nasty and horrible person. He has been vindictive and treats people- myself included- terribly. I am so upset
With myself that I risked my life for someone so rotten when I couldve helped someone more deserving. I am sick to my stomach and cry just thinking about it. Can anyone offer me advice? I may need to see a professional therapist

[Fr Pat]

     Always be proud of the wonderful gift you gave. What others do is their business, even though it saddens us to see bad behavior. But don't let other people push YOUR buttons. You GAVE, out of LOVE! Cherish and enjoy that forever. Some people receive gifts well. But some people, sadly, can feel humiliated at having had to depend on someone else and be saved by someone else, and hence may strike out stupidly. Maybe someday he will finally come to appreciate the second chance he has been given. Meanwhile try to maintain your OWN peace and joy.
     Fr. Pat

[cupid]

Thank you Father Pat-I am trying to feel that way but it is hard-especially knowing how many other people would have appreciated my kidney.

[RKEM]

You still did something that few people have the guts to do. Your gesture is a reflection of your character as a wonderful human being. Nobody can take that hero badge from you. Hopefully at some point down the road your recipient will lighten up and understand the magnitude of what you have done.

But right now, if what they do or say is harming you, barring seeking professional help, I would recommend trying to distance yourself from them. If they are toxic to your headspace, then you need to find ways to take care of yourself. Your health, both physical and mental, is important. You've gone out of your way to do something entirely altruistic, you need to show the same kindness to yourself. In case you need reminding: you deserve to be cared for and to be happy.

Please take care of yourself and don't hesitate to seek out help. I have in the past, not related to donation but other issues, and it truly helped.

Cheers

H.

[cupid]

Thank you H. Yes,  you are correct-I am going to distance myself, 'unfriend' or at the very least 'hide' him on Facebook so I cannot get messages from him berating me for various problems in his life that I have zero to do with. I am going to seek professional help, perhaps call the transplant center and speak to the social worker who deals with donors. I thank you for taking the time to respond-it really helps!

[elephant]

Dear cupid,

I'm sorry to hear this.  I agree you should seek counseling.  You're hurt and grieving.  But you can, and will, heal and grow even stronger.  For sure you need to avoid interacting with a person who is treating you badly.  Then you'll be able to forgive and move on.
When we donate, we're not just helping a single person, but really everyone who needs an organ.  A living donor helps the people on the waiting list, and encourages other people to be selfless by example. 

Love,elephant

[cupid]

Thank you Elephant- I appreciate your reply. I do believe some mental illness may be an issue here but not my place to make that call. So for now , I will make myself unavailable to him

[Fr Pat]

Dear Cupid,
      It may also be helpful to keep in mind that some transplant recipients suffer bad psychological side-effects from the anti-rejection drugs, causing them to act badly. If he is behaving strangely toward everyone it can be wise for the family to let the doctor know, so that perhaps the anti-rejection drugs can be changed or the dosage corrected. Some doctors at the check-up with the recipients only look at the test numbers to evaluate the physical health and may be unaware of bad psychological side-effects of the drugs unless someone says something. The recipient may be unaware of what is going on in his brain and therefore not mention anything unusual to the doctor at the check-ups.
    Fr. Pat

[cupid]

Hmm Father Pat, I was unaware of that. I will tell his wife (soon to be ex wife) and see if she can message his transplant dr. Thank you for that information. I appreciate all your help

[Eldonna Edwards]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It helps to remember that a person's actions are about them, not you. I realize it's difficult not to take your recipient's behavior personally but it has nothing to do with you. You are right to set boundaries and seek counseling if it will help to talk it through. Also remember that you didn't just help this person, when you give a kidney you create a ripple. Other people got a kidney if he was taken off the list. You didn't give of yourself to an individual, you gave to the world. <3

[cupid]

Thank you Eldonna- those are some kind words and I appreciate you taking your time to respond