Perfect match

[Wazbamhat]

Hi I'm new here :)
I found out yesterday after priliminary tests that so far I am a perfect for my brother for a kidney donation. Even though I also put myself forward 12 years ago and have known for along time that I would donate tommy brother the actual news that I match has really knocked me for 6.
My husband, though I have no doubt, will stand by me whatever I decide is very much against me donating. He works terribly long arduous hours and we have 3 children. He is torn between being furious that I would put myself in any danger when we have the kids and terrified that something terrible could happen.
Anyone dealt with the same situation?

[PastorJeff]

My situation is different in that I gave non-directed.  I haven't experienced the family dynamic of a family member in need.  But I did tell my wife as we proceeded together that she had veto power.  After all I believed, if the two become one, who was I to be giving away a body part without her ok.  She wasn't excited about the prospect but she supported me.  But I do understand your husband's concerns about the what ifs.  How old are your children?  It would be nice if all this was without risks but it's not.  Are there any other people in the picture who might donate to your brother?  Life can sure be complicated, can't it?  Bless you for your willingness. 

[elephant]

Dear Waz,

Maybe you can obtain some education materials for your husband to read. Or think of some other way he can get information about donation in an unemotional way. 
While there are real risks, they are quite small.  It sure is easy to inflate our fears when it comes to people we love. 

Love, elephant

[CK]

Is he willing to do some research or learn more about donation? Maybe that would ease his fears, since as elephant said, the risks are really very small, both in the short and the long-term.

[Amberwoo]

I agree with giving him research materials, and including him in the testing process.  My parents were very against me donating and I just gave them all the information I could and included my mom in the testing process so she could ask any  questions she wanted too.  This helped her calm her fears about it and better understand the donation process and surgery. 

[snoopy62]

Hi, Wazbamhat.
  It is quite common for spouses to be unhappy with the donation--even if they don't deny you permission to do it.
  I agree that offering various factual materials is a good idea.  Another one might be to see if you can find him other donor spouses to talk to.
  But...some spouses really don't want to hear too much about it.  So, try to sound him out, and get some sense for how much info he really cares to take on board, or whether he prefers not to discuss it.  People have different ways of dealing with this kind of thing.  Preserving your senses of humor would be a definite plus (if I can think of any good kidney donation jokes, I'll try to post them).
   Good luck, Snoopy

[Stpfan44]

Hi pish , Bhuddha blesses u, u betch congrats  ;D

[JustAPyper]

I don't mean to be insensitive about his worry but...

Does he let you drive a car?  According to the National Kidney foundation your chances of being killed from donation are 0.06% (1 in 1700)   http://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingdonors/infoQA.cfm?id=6

Take a look at this PDF page.  It is from the National Safety Council.  Your chances of dying from one of these other events is much higher than donation.

http://www.nsc.org/news_resources/injury_and_death_statistics/Documents/2014-Injury-Facts-43.pdf

Best wishes,
Roger