Getting tested to donate to a friend

[from.my.abdomen.to.yours]

I am currently getting tested to donate one of my kidneys to a very good friend of mine. My blood type is O+ so we are an initial match and are awaiting the results of the antigen tests and whatnot. If I am not a match I have already decided that I will participate in the paired exchange program...

I have a couple of questions, one is how much  pain can I expect? I went through 20 hours of hard labor before being given an epidural...is the pain of the kidney removal comparable to that? Or worse/better? I know it's hard to quantify it but I am a planner, I do better when I know what to plan for Intense pain doesn't scare me, not knowing what to expect does.

Another question that I have is that I have requested that the surgery not be done until after this summer...I kind of feel like a terrible person for requesting such a thing...for requesting that it not be done ASAP...but I am studying to write my MCAT this summer and I am writing the MCAT in September, it's very important to me to well on it....Obviously if my friend needs the kidney right away I will drop everything and give right away, but I still can't help feeling guilty about asking for a delay...Should I be feeling guilty? Was it inappropriate to ask for the delay? Perhaps I am jumping the gun as we don't even know if I am a good enough match, but I still feel badly about it...

All things considered though I am so very thankful that I will be able to help, one way or another. I look forward to seeing her live again (she has had one transplant already that just recently rejected quite profoundly...), I just want her to have her life back, if anyone deserves a second chance it's her.

I have also considered what could happen if the surgery isn't successful for her. I feel like I will be comforted by knowing that I did all that I could to help her...

Anyway, these what-ifs are driving me nuts? How did you guys deal with the what-ifs? How are your recipients doing? How did you fare before/after your surgery?

Ok, maybe that was more than a few questions...

[Aries7]

Hello and welcome!

First off, congratualtions to you on your decision to donate a kidney!
As far as pain - this will be different for each individual, as everyone's pain tolerance is different, and each experience is unique, but I am happy to share my experiece with you. I have 2 kids so went through labor twice (no epidurals.) I personally think labor was more far more painful than donating a kidney. My worst complaint was actually from the gas pains after surgery. I had my kidney removed laproscopically, so the gas they pump in during surgery caused the pain until it moved back out. For me, these pains started about a day and a half after the surgery. The first day was the worst, and each day got gradually better. Walking and moving actually will help move this through quicker. Other than that, I had the normal discomfort from surgery, sore and tender around the incision area. There are wonderful pain meds available that will be provided to you. The medical staff was great about monitoring pain levels and making sure I was as comfortable as possible. I had my surgery early afternoon and I was up walking late that evening. (Very groggy from all the pain meds, and walking very slowly, but I was walking!) I can tell you that even in the middle of my worst gas pains, never once was I sorry I donated. Then and now, I can tell you that if I could go back, I would make all the same choices and do it all over again.

As far as requesting that the surgery not be done until after this summer, no I do not think you should feel guilty at all. In my case, I donated to my husband and he was not yet on dialysis. We were told that it is best for the donor if they can avoid dialysis if possible and go straight to a transplant, so I wanted to make sure he got his tranplant and avoid dialysis. BUT, that said, every situation is different for everyone. You also need to take your needs in to consideration. What you are doing for your friend is one of the most unselfish things you can do for someone. You should not feel rushed or pushed in to do anything before you are ready. You have a life to live to.

As far as all of the “what if’s”, I thought of those to. For me, I just went in to it with a lot of faith and prayers and positive thoughts. You are doing all that you can do by giving your friend this wonderful gift. Thankfully we live in a time are where there are so many medical advances and miracles are performed every day. It is true that things do not work out in every instance, but the majority of the time the transplants are very successful. That is what I tried to focus on, and still do today.  I donated to my husband 17 months ago and he is doing very well. (For which I am so thankful for every day!)

I think what you are doing is so wonderful. Try not to let the “what if’s” drive you nuts. Remember, you are doing your part, which is all you can do. We humans only have so much control over things in all aspects of life.  (This drives me nuts too – as I am kind of a “control freak!” lol)
I am sure others will share their experiences as well. Please keep us posted how things are going for you and your recipient. Best of Luck to you and your recipient.

Linda

[Eldonna Edwards]

Congratulations on your decision. I promise it will be a life changing experience that brings you great satisfaction in knowing you helped someone in such a big way.

As for pain, I have had three children and labor was far worse than the pain following a nephrectomy. There is some discomfort--soreness at the incision site and general tenderness, but you will be given meds to keep you comfortable. Some people have gas pains but I didn't experience that. I was nauseous from the anesthesia, but others tolerate it without any such side effects. As the previous poster mentioned, everyone's pain tolerance and experience is different. You will be tired for a bit, but snap back faster then you expect. I was back at work within 3 weeks.

I also requested a delay in surgery so that my son would be home on winter break to help out. I don't think your request is a lot to ask unless your patient is in a dire situation.

Think positive thoughts and know you did a good thing. :-)

~~ellie

[from.my.abdomen.to.yours]

Thank-you for all of your help! I really appreciate you sharing your stories and experiences with me it helps a lot

[WilliamLFreeman]

Adrienne,

I second all the above.

"I have also considered what could happen if the surgery isn't successful for her. I feel like I will be comforted by knowing that I did all that I could to help her..."  Absolutely right on.  And that is what many of us feel as physicians: we are privileged, yes, privileged, to assist people, most of whom do take advantage of the additional opportunity we assist them with.  So, I welcome you in advance to both our clubs!!   

I will offer an (unsolicited) suggestion:  pay attention to the experience you will go through as a patient when being tested, donating, and after.  What especially touched you?  And what was especially frustrating & dis-satisfying?  (Maybe even write that down, & remember where you stored it.)  Then, when you start internship (and maybe before), re-read what you wrote.  In the stress and pressure of delivering modern, too-high tech, medicine and "medical care," it will be difficult to remember, and even more difficult to do, the "caring" part of medical care -- what in your own total donation experience you wanted, and what all patients want.  I still remember my first patient and his family for whom I was the intern in the University Medical Center Cardiac Care Unit service, and what I did not do until the family asked to talk with me ....

Concerning not donating until after your MCATs, I assume your recipient would not want to mess up your chance to enter med school.  And I do not want you to, either.  Trust me, the medical profession needs more people like you.

So, all the best to your recipient, to you for your coming donation, to you on your MCAT, and to you in your medical career!

Bill

PS.  If you want, you can read about how an old physician came to donate -- and the connection between caring as a physician and living kidney donation -- in my article in JAMA, 2011, vol. 305, issue 2, p. 130-1.  I would be happy to discuss with you any of these matters -- just e-mail me.

[from.my.abdomen.to.yours]

William,

Thank-you for your advise and your kind words! It's a great idea to write down my experiences with the medical community throughout this experience so that I can, hopefully, apply that insight to how I will interact with my patients.

I am looking forward to reading your article (right after I finish my molecular biology lab report  ), and I will most certainly take you up on your offer to discuss these issues further.

Thank-you again for your help!
-Adrienne

[Fr Pat]

     Some donors have had someone video-record the whole surgery, then edit it down to a shorter version. It can be very helpful for potential donors who want to know everything about the surgery to be able to watch such videos. But I imagine that it would take a bit of planning to enable a scrubbed-and-gowned cameraperson to be present. (As an aside, I would tend to guess that even the finest surgeons and surgical assistants would be EXTRA careful if they knew that every move and word were being recorded.)
            Fr. Pat