I am an 'old time kidney donor'...1992 to my sister (now deceased Nov 2010 - she was 60 years old)...Her first transplant = she had a cadaver kidney for approximately 21 years, then my kidney which lasted 6 years, then one more cadaver which rejected in about 2 weeks, then on dialysis for the remainder of her life which was approximately 12 years)...
I am a little uncomfortable with responding to this message/thread as I might make readers upset with some of my opinions/thoughts/judgments. If so, I give my apologies with sincerity.
To begin with, if I knew then what I have known for quite some time now with regard to my own health...I would not have given my kidney to my sister whom I loved dearly. At that time I was told a kidney from a sibling and having a 6-6 match which we had was supposedly the best for her. I knew nothing else but that AND I was saving her life - giving her life - we know differently today - I know differently today...it isn't a cure....I didn't 'save her life' - All that I was told and informed was just that, and of course, I was told, my health would never be affected because I didn't need both kidneys - I know differently today - my health has been affected...(I have posted other messages in here regarding some of my health issues if you care to search for it- And, 'my story' in kidney donor experience on this site - 3rd from the top under Debbie...I wrote that years ago and would -suffice it to say- re-write it differently today)
During the donor work-up in February 1992 I was given a book by the 'counselor' who interviewed me (only about a 20 minute interview) (I wish I could remember the title of that book)...The jest of my recollection of that book that 'stood' out to me was regarding donor guilt which had something to do with being a 'perfect' match. The point I'm trying to convey is this - the information that was presented to me at that time including the emphasis on a 6-6 match, and of course not being informed at all of any possible/potential consequences that my own health could be affected - I would have had immense guilt had I chosen not to give my sister my kidney.....I simply didn't have all of the easily accessed information, education, knowledge, and research that is available today to make a much more educated decision to donate or not to donate.....Please, please be informed....read all the information regarding the 'good and the potential bad' outcomes/consequences of donating.....AND, know that there isn't sufficient long term 'true' research/studies/information regarding long term and 'true' shorter term potential health consequences for kidney donors.
My kidney did not save my sister's life...yes, it gave her 6 years of having a better quality of life and, of course I was happier for her with being able to enjoy her life more during those 6 years..I can very honestly say that back then, between the time of the donor work-up in February 1992 through to the surgery date September 2, 1991, there was never, ever any hesitation or doubt or fear in my mind - I never felt - for any reason - that I shouldn't donate - It was simply a 'given' - an 'of course' - 'we are a good match' - I had no thoughts at all about not donating....BUT, even though that book I mentioned didn't make a difference at all as to why I donated - I know that given the information - or lack thereof - that I then had from the transplant center - I would have felt, as mentioned before, immense long lasting guilt had I not given my sister my kidney....HOW TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY UNFAIR AND UNJUST THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR ME TO FEEL SUCH ENORMOUS GUILT....
So, again I will reiterate - if I knew then what I know now - I would not have given my kidney to my sister...There are many donors who don't have the health issues that are indirectly or directly or not related at all to having been a kidney donor that I have encountered - and other donors possibly never will...I know and strongly believe this - we need to take care of ourselves - AND - NO ONE SHOULD EVER - EVER FEEL GUILT OR HAVE GUILT PUT UPON THEM FOR NOT WANTING TO BE A DONOR FOR NO MATTER WHAT REASONS THEY CHOOSE NOT TO !!!....
Just a suggestion: If it is possible that 'others' in your life are trying to make or making you feel guilty - and, if they are open minded and will not only listen, but 'hear' your trepidations/concerns - and, they show you they are doing their best to understand and support you - talk to them...try to help them understand whether you donate or you don't......You may not have the outcome you were hoping for, but at least you tried....And, then if they don't 'hear' you - please take care of yourself and depend upon the support from this site and others to help you get through whatever you decide to do.
My best wishes for you,
Debbie