Soon to be a donor. Questions

[sherri]

I had a meltdown at my pre op meeting with anaesthesia. I was so nervous and anxious which the NP recognized and actually called my coordinator who in turn called me to ask if I was ok. I was not ok and I found it hard to believe that she didn't know I wasn't ok. I told her how anxious and ambivalent I was about having to go through with this, thoughts I had spoken about with the psychologist and her. The administrator Brigette Reeb called me and gave me the name of the living donor advocate who was Deborah Mcrann at the time (she has since left and works for Living Legacy I think). When I asked where this independent donor advocate was when I was doing all the testing she told me they use her only for non related donors. Brigette asked me if I wanted to postpone the surgery and I said how could I do that when everyone was counting on me. I already cancelled my patients at work, told my brother he'd be getting my kidney, paid for an overseas flight for my daughter to come home etc etc. In my mind it was akin to sending out the wedding invitations and then calling all the guests to cancel. I had rehashed with her how I felt about how I had been ignored by the surgeon and marginalized by the whole team. She had the surgeon call me and I told him flat out if he wanted me not to bolt from the table or have a crying break down I would need Ativan. So he prescribed the Ativan and made me take it Friday night to make sure i had no reaction and then again I took it Sunday the night before surgery. I didn't even realize they would stick a consent for surgery form in front of me that morning. I looked over at my paper work months later after the surgery and saw my signature but really did not remember the actual signing. I remember the anaesthesiologist talking to me and pushing meds in my IV in the pre op room so I was knocked out before I got to the surgical suite. I remember changing into the gown, the resident marking my belly, I remember praying to God that I would wake up and not leave my children without their mother. And I remember praying for forgiveness for not being like the other donors who I read about. I remember one of the pre op nurses or techs opening the curtain separating me from my bother, assuming I would want to share this private moment and I remember closing it every so slightly so he wouldn't see my face. So i guess it depends on your surgeon and how they view their role in donor surgery. I remember the surgeon poking his head inside the curtain, didn't even come close to me.Maybe  I freaked him out and he agreed with me that he'd rather have me sedated. Who knows. But I don't think there is any hard fast rule at any hospital about premedication. So I don't think it is JH who won't administer sedatives it may just have been your surgeon would not feel comfortable doing that.  Every surgeon acts on their own. What I have come to learn from this board is how different each person's experience is, how independent each hospital is, everyone makes their own rules, their own standards and there doesn't seem to be a protocol which must be followed by each hospital approved for transplant.

[Snoopy]

And I remember praying for forgiveness for not being like the other donors who I read about.

Sherri,
  In my book, somebody who went ahead with a donation despite all the worries and issues you went through is a major league hero!!!
  And about the pre-sedation.  I may be the only person whom it made tense.  I was actually very happy and relieved, since the night before, that I was finally getting to do this.  My recipient and I rode together to the hospital, laughing and singing.  And, when I was on my back on the stretcher being wheeled down for surgery, I was fairly boogying for joy that it was finally happening. 
   And then they told me they were giving me some preliminary sedation.  I told them I didn't need or want any; I was perfectly happy and don't like taking meds I don't need. They gave it to me anyway, and in saying goodbye to my wife (and wondering when I'd finally get to meet my surgeon for the first time [!]), I forgot about it....But then, when they came a bit later to take me directly into the OR, I suddenly popped up and yelled, "Wait!!! Hold the gravy train! That sedation didn't do a thing; I don't feel it at all.  I know I didn't need it, but I really hope your anaesthesia for the surgery itself works better. That, I want!"  I think I was afraid that budget cuts had led them to use anaesthetics that had expired and wouldn't work.  In the end, everything was fine.  But I would have been happier had they never bothered me with the pre-surgical sedation.
  Be well, Snoopy

[bergstromtori]

Snoopy,

Your posts always make me smile.