When your living donor loses his battle

[andy]

Hello, I am a newcomer to this message board. I was a living kidney donor for my brother in 2004. He left us two weeks ago. To my knowledge, he never had any problems with the new kidney. His death seems to have been the result of complications from diabetes rather than kidney or renal failure. We were fairly close, and I seem to be dealing with his passing as well as I can. I was just wondering if anyone else out there had the experience of losing a loved one after donating and how they dealt with the experience. Thanks to all for everything you do. Andy

[CK]

I haven't had that experience, just wanted to say I'm sorry about your brother. What a tragedy.  :(

[sherri]

Andy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Not only are you mourning the loss of your brother but you must also be mourning your own personal loss of your kidney. When we become donors, and I think especially sibling donors, we form a physical bond in addition to the emotional bond of being siblings and sharing family history. We all have hopes that our kidney will be the one to save our loved one but we all know there are no guarantees. I hope you can be comforted in knowing that you did such a wonderful act of kindness for your brother and I'm sure he appreciated you even more for it.

There have been other donors on this forum who have experienced a similar loss. You can try and do a search to see if some of those threads pop up.You can even contact the transplant center and see if they have professionals who would be willing to talk to the donor of a recipient who has passed. Maybe even the NKF can offer some emotional support as well.

May the memories you have of him be a source of comfort to you.

All the best,

Sherri

[Orchidlady]

My sympathies to you for the loss of your brother. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort in the good memories.

[Karol]

andy,
I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. i can only say that the 8 years of no dialysis is a gift of freedom that really can change the quality of a kidney patients life. Thank you for what you did for him.
Deepest sympathy,
Karol

[dodger]

I too am sorry for your loss.  Karol said it so well about giving him life for an additional 8 years, such a gift.  Life had other plans for him.  Thanks for sharing.

[Donna Luebke]

Andy,

I am an old-timer on this message board.  I understand and appreciate your feelings of loss and sadness.  My sister, Rita who I donated a kidney to in 1994 died on February 11th.  She also had a lifesaving liver transplant in 1997.  Every day I am grateful that we had all these years with her and she with her family.  A part of me went with her.  Hard to put this loss  and all the many feelings into words.  Take care of yourself.  We honor those we lost by living a good life and carrying on in their memory.  

[Barbara S]

Andy -
I too am sorry for your loss.  As someone who also donated to her sibling, I know every visit to the transplant clinic, every Dr visit my brother makes, even every cold he gets always has me concerned.  You gave him a wonderful gift. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Michael]

Andy, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. There are others who have experienced the same thing. There's also a Yahoo Group dedicated to donors who lost their recipients. Here's a link to the group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/bereavedbylivingdonation/