Depression after donating

[Lansdowne11]

I didn't really expect this to happen to me, and I was wondering if anyone could perhaps tell me if this is a normal occurrence. I donated a kidney to a friend in February, and I was doing very well. Physically, I'm still doing very well, but for the last few weeks, I've been very down, bordering on depression. I am not sure that this a result of the surgery. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, does it last for a long period of time? I'm not upset that I donated, but I'm just upset in general.

[alyfaye]

I can't be much help on this subject, perhaps someone else will speak up as I know this has been mentioned several times on this board. I just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation. I donated in March and am just now experiencing what is probably depression. I feel gloomy and sad a lot lately and it is making my daily life rather difficult. It hit me very suddenly and I was surprised. Others here have mentioned that depression is a common side effect that the doctors and transplant staff often don't warn us about. My only advice is to reach out to your transplant center. Depression after donation is more common than they would like you to think and chances are they can help you. I wish you the best, and let us know how you are doing.

Alyssa

[sherri]

Landsdowne,

Many donors have felt the same feelings you describe. Often the donation process is such a whirlwind of emotions focused so much on the recipient getting that kidney. The donor may silence or ignore a lot of feelings and emotions going on throughout the process because they are so intent on "saving" the recipient. Once that goal has been reached there is a sense of let down. Sometimes, when you think about all the steps you took and the risks involved in having elective surgery sometimes just hits you.

It really is helpful to reach out to a professional counselor. You can try the ones at the hospital center if that is convenient or look into going through your own insurance if possible to have a social worker or psychologist discuss the experience with you. There may have been expectations presumptions on your part for after surgery which may or may not have happened. Has the relationship with your recipient changed? Did you expect something that hasn't happened?

Just to reassure you that you are not the only one. I think the transplant team is very intent on getting the kidney out of the donor and into the recipient and then following up with the recipient. The donor sometimes feels abandoned and needs some help getting back on track. Hope you find the professional support you need. But to answer your question, no you are not the only one.

Keep us posted and feel free to vent and explore emotions here.

Sherri

[Fr Pat]

     Depression occurs in a notable percentage of ALL surgery patients, and that includes living donors. Just what the percentage is I am not sure of. Perhaps someone here can help locate the past postings on this topic? Some suggest that the experience of losing control, facing the possibility of death, etc. may contribute to this, while others suggest that the coctail of anesthesia and pain-killers can contribute. There can also be a sort of "let-down" after all the tension and excitement leading up to the surgery. (Interesting to note also the percentage of women who experience depression after giving birth.)
     Some donors who have experienced depression have simply given it time to heal, while seeking their own sources of strength and comfort. Others have found that the problem was severe enough to seek counselling and possibly the temporary use of anti-depression medication. So, don't be afraid to admit the problem and look for help if you think it needed.
     I my self did not face this problem, so I'm just passing along some of the useful things I have learned from others at this site.
       best wishes,
          Fr. Pat

[Lansdowne11]

Thanks for the very kind and thoughtful responses. I don't really know the source of my gloomy mood, but your comments make me feel better in that I know others have experienced it. I think some sort of counseling would be helpful. Quite honestly, I haven't had any contact with the transplant team since the surgery and I have been somewhat apprehensive about being social with the recipient. I am happy that he is doing well and he's very grateful, but I feel somewhat strange talking to him. I don't know if others have felt this, either. 

[cupid]

For me, I am normally a very upbeat positive person but lately have been feeling blah as well. I donated end of Feb. I will be totally honest, although some people will not like this comment, I am a bit insulted or upset/depressed that I had to rush back to work (am self employed) because I have bills to pay and my recipient was able to take his time to heal and is on disability. I saw a counselor pre and post surgically-and she said that was my decision to donate and all the rest came along with my decision. I get that-but it doesn't make me feel any less upset about it. I love my recipient and glad he is doing well, but I sometimes do have a pity party for myself-I just don't let it last very long.

[Lansdowne11]

Maybe that's part of it, too - that we need to have our own little pity party for a bit. Cupid, I get exactly what you're saying. We're back at work, trying to get life back to normal, and the recipient is able to enjoy his/her recovery at leisure. Honestly, I pushed to get back to work as quickly as possible to make things normal again, and sometimes I wonder if that wasn't the wisest decision.

[cupid]

Landsdowne-that is exactly what I did-tried to be some superhero-acted like I was ready to come back to work when I probably wasn't near ready. And now I am still suffering because of it. And I'm a little-VERY little bit bitter. But in the end, what we did was gracious and selfless and so we are really good, caring individuals-that's what we need to remember

[lawphi]

It is ok to have a pity party!  Do not think other wise.  For me, it was hard to physically have to slow down after donation.  I also had to adjust to a healthy spouse for the first time in three years.  I recommend counseling.  I felt better after four weeks and took up reading for the first time since law school. 

[tanimbarcorella]

I'm sorry to hear that the transplant team hasn't contacted you after surgery. I had several followup visits with my social worker (independent donor advocate) and nurse coordinator, and both of them were very clear that they have an open door policy if I had any questions or concerns, even down the road. I was very fortunate and have not needed any additional help, but I really appreciate that it's there if I need it. I am not sure how it is set up at other facilities, but my team was actually completely separate from my uncle's team. I think the only person on my team who knew us both was the nurse coordinator. My surgeon, surgery team, and social worker were all only in my corner. My mom was there when the surgeon said to me that he feels very strongly about this set up, because it is a conflict of interest to be on both sides, and he wants to be concerned for his patient - me, and only me. I would hope that this is the standard practice, but I'm not sure that it is. I would also hope that there is a social worker involved in every living donation, and available afterward. I would definitely contact the hospital to find out if they have a way to help you. I hope they do, and I wish you all the best.
Taryn

[Rinnierich]

Thanks for the very kind and thoughtful responses. I don't really know the source of my gloomy mood, but your comments make me feel better in that I know others have experienced it. I think some sort of counseling would be helpful. Quite honestly, I haven't had any contact with the transplant team since the surgery and I have been somewhat apprehensive about being social with the recipient. I am happy that he is doing well and he's very grateful, but I feel somewhat strange talking to him. I don't know if others have felt this, either. 

I felt the exact same way! I donated to my step father and I avoided my families house like the plague for weeks on end. I had a tough recovery and did not bounce back as quickly as they were telling me I would. So I had a really hard time dealing with the fact my step dad felt so good. It sounds crazy right?! But you are not alone. The feelings will pass just take it day by day.