Turned down, not accepted

[River]

This is the first time I have posted here, but I have done lots of reading and gotten lots of useful information, thank you.

I went through all the screening to become a non-directed kidney donor. All my numbers came back very good. Physicaly, there is nothing stopping me from donating. I just got a letter saying I was not accepted due to anxiety and also due to the short time since my wifes transplant.

My wife received a kidney/pancreas transplant a year ago. She has had a rough time and has spent lots of time in the hospital since then for other things, but her new organs are working perfectly. The last few months have gone very well for her and she is doing much better now than she has in many years.

I tried to donate a kidney to her several years ago but I am the wrong blood type. Since then I have had it in mind to still donate a kidney to someone. This is something I really wanted to do and I thought now was a good time to do it. Kind of took the wind out of my sails to be turned down. I can understand their thinking that my wife may need me, I told them that she was my first priority. Still, after spending the last three or four years on the wait list and caring for my wife, I have time to do this now. There are lots of people waiting that don't have that much time.

The anxiety part is a little harder to understand. I remember telling them that it was difficult when my wife was in the hospital, when you get a phone call in the middle of the night saying your wife just had a cardiac arrest it does cause some stress. If anything I think that has made me a better candidate. After what we have been through, donating a kidney won't be that hard.

They did leave the door open to try again in a year, and it is nice to know that they are looking out for us. Anyway, it helps just to write this down and get it out. I'll let you know how it goes a year from now.

[elephant]

Dear River,

It's wonderful that you are grateful and want to help someone else out.  It's also good the hear that the donor evaluation process is working properly by protecting you and your wife, who received her transplant such a short time ago.   

In the meantime, I bet you could get involved in other ways than as a direct donor.  For instance, you might work to encourage people to register as organ donors.  When I was in the hospital after donating, I appreciated help from a volunteer on the transplant floor.

Love, elephant

[HappyTimes]

River, the fact you are willing to do a non-directed donation says a lot about your character as a person. I also hope your wife continues to recover as well.

[Fr Pat]

     I would tend to suggest that you continue to keep in contact with the transplant coordinator regularly (once a month?) to let her/him know that you are still interested and that your health continues to be good. Maybe with time they will give you another chance to be evaluated.
    best wishes,
       Fr. Pat

[CK]

The anxiety piece seems a bit odd. If you haven't been treated for an anxiety disorder, they shouldn't rule you out because of anxiety. I've been anxious my whole life and was very honest with them about it, and they still let me donate.

[audrey12]

CK, me too.  But I had gone through counselling several years prior to the donation and the panic disorder is a thing of my past.

River, I agree with the other posters.  Your wife needs you now.  And transplant recipients sometimes need another transplant down the road.  You may need to do a paired donation at some point for her.  If I could donate again I would in a heartbeat, but once you do, you're done.  You'd be distraught if some day she needs a new kidney and the chance to get one faster hinged on a paired donation.

In the meantime please consider mentoring other couples who need the viewpoint of the spouse.  I find there are not enough out there to help.  You have a unique perspective.

Bless you.

[River]

Thank you for the replies.

The surgeon did bring up the fact that my wife may need me for a paired donation at some point in the future. We have a son that is a match for his mother so I may not be needed. Also, I was hoping that I would be too old to donate by the time she needs a new kidney 

I can't just do nothing so I guess I'll have to find a different way.