Just found out I'm a match.....

[Scared.....]

I just found out that I'm a match to be a kidney donor for my dad.  I'm very nervous and am having second thoughts.  I feel very selfish in this thinking. 

I'm glad I found this website.  I'm sure I'll be here often.

[sally]

Congrats on your news. It's very natural & normal to feel nervous, scared, etc. I'm glad you found this site. You will find tons of useful information to guide you to making the right decision for YOU. There is a lot to consider and you are your best advocate. If you do not feel 100% certain that it is the right decision, your donor coordinator can help you and they will tell your family that you are not a suitable donor. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[elephant]

Dear Scared,

I donated to my father two years ago.  I appreciate that adult children face some extra pressure in this situation.   I think it is a good idea to find someone outside of the family who you can talk to,  a counselor or a friend or your pastor etc.

Being apprehensive about major surgery certainly does not equate to selfishness.  You already volunteered for testing, which was not selfish either. 

Love, elephant

[Scared.....]

Thank you.  I signed up for a transplant "buddy", so I'm hoping I can have a lot of questions answered by him/her. 

[sherri]

Scared,

Just to echo some of the other poster's sentiments. Being scared is normal and very valid. Family donations are more complicated not only by the emotional aspect but also the medical ones. Having a parent who has risk factors leading to end stage kidney disease is scary. Questions like genetics involved in high blood pressure, diabetes, glomerular diseases which are often the cause of kidney disease are of concern. Some family members do not make good donors due to the fact that they have signs and symptoms of these diseases or are at risk later in life and giving up 1/2 of your kidney function may compromise your future health. So it is important that you get a non biased doctor to evaluate you and your health history to see if this is safe enough for you. Safe enough is also sometimes subjective. What one donor feels safe doing might not be what another donor feels safe with. In particular young women who are wives and mothers feel that this may not be the best time to volunteer for an elective surgery or if they don't have a supportive spouse it may make things difficult.

The emotional aspects are also very tough. You love your Dad and want to see him well but often family donation involves a lot of guilt, obligation and love all wrapped into one convoluted tubule (no kidney pun intended!). I definitely think you would benefit from talking to a social worker or psychologist who can help you sort out your feelings. Weighing the options is not selfish it is self caring. Not sure how old your Dad is, if he is on dialysis yet but there are options. Dialysis can be done at home, in center, at night, peritoneal dialysis. There are also paired exchanges where one donor donates to someone else and their donor donates to your recipient. So just because you match doesn't mean you are the only candidate. Others who are in a better position to donate or feel more comfortable doing it can test as well. Recipients can also be wait listed for deceased donors in more than one region to increase their chances of getting an organ.

Keep educating yourself, get the support you need and feel free to vent anytime.

sherri

[Mizchelle]

Congratulations to you and Dad!!! 

If you're scared then it means you're alive.  Now, you just have to become prepared.  The more supportive and positive information you have, the less scared you will be.

I donated to my Mom 2 months ago, and the only thing I would have done different would be to have communicated with living donors much sooner in my journey. Once I did, I felt much more at ease, but did so only three weeks before surgery.  Nonetheless, you found some of us! 

As someone told me....  "You have done the hard work already, which was making the decision, now all you have to do is relax, take care of yourself, show up and go to sleep!" I cried and laughed at the same time and after hearing it...fear just fell away.

GIANT HUGS!!!! 

[PhilHoover]

So carefully consider what you are contemplating.

Living Donation is a WONDERFUL THING..but it should also be "irreversible."

Weigh every thing in your heart and mind. Commit it to prayer. Talk to your pastor or priest.  Talk to your primary care physician(s).  Ask questions...ASK QUESTIONS (yes, I'm shouting.)  Talk to your Transplant Coordinator.  And if you have any doubts, DO NOT let anyone guilt you into becoming a donor.

We are here for you.

Phil
Chicago

[kdub]

Dear Scared,

I think all of us on this forum can identify with your feelings!  I thought long and hard about donating to my Brother, and almost didn't.  There are a couple things I wish I would have done differently, and I would like to tell you what they are:

1. Apply for and obtain life insurance long before donation.
2. Take all of your test results to a nephrologist, not associated with a transplant center, and get a 2nd opinion on your eligibility as a donor.

One thing I did not totally realize before my surgery was that... if complications arise years down the line... you have to pay for any needed medical procedures yourself.  If you have good health insurance, this is not a problem, but something to consider.

My donation was a very positive thing.  My brother went from spending most of his time doing dialysis (seriously, it was depressing), to pretty much perfect health at this point.  He doesn't even take any anti-rejection meds anymore.

It is a great thing you can do, but you are right to also think of your own long-term consequences. 

kdub