Amanda,
I became a kidney donor last October (2010) to a 24 year-old young man I had never met when his family put out a search on local media for a living donor. I was ready to turn 51, was quite over weight and knew I wouldn't be able to donate with my BMI (Body Mass Index) at current level. I began working out and eating right, with the goal of donating and I was able to lose a bit over 60 pounds between March 2010 and August. Initially, my wife was "cold" to the idea and couldn't understand why I wanted to give a such a personal gift to someone I had never met. I tried to explain it, but wasn't able to articulate it very well other than to say it was something I wanted to do, something I think was meant to do and mostly...the recipient had the need and I had the ability. As I went through the testing process, I think my wife believed I'd likely not be a match and as I continued to pass each stage of testing, she became less communicative regarding the potential for the donation.
When I was finally approved, my wife wouldn't read the material the University of Minnesota hospital had sent to me (and her) to read and she wouldn't watch the informative video either. On the day my transplant coordinator informed the recipient's coordinator that I had been approved and agreed to go through with the transplant surgery, I spoke with my wife about my decision to go ahead with the surgery, and explained that I would do this for anyone in my family (especially her) who needed a kidney and that I needed her support to go through with the surgery and to recover and that it was really both of us who were giving this gift and we shared in the benefit and the sacrifice. She seemed to understand that, began to read the literature, helped pick the date and largely made our arrangements for stay before, during and after the surgery (near the hospital) and she was with me when we met the recipient and his family the day prior to the surgery. Meeting the family in person seemed to really encourage her about the entire event.
I'm guessing, had your husband expressed a desire to do something similar, you'd have reservations also. Be patient with him and articulate your reasons for want to do this and explain how important he would be to the entire process.
The benefits, in my opinion, outweighed the risks. I became very informed prior to the transplant and I came to terms with accepting whatever the outcome for me, our family and the recipient and left it in the hands of a higher power. I'm certain you'll make the right decision together. Your considering this gift is very special - your family is very fortunate to have such a loving and generous person considering their needs. Good luck! P.S. Most donors go on to live as healthy if not healthier lives as we are very aware of the need to take care of ourselves post-donation.
Scott in Minnesota