Suspicious, cynical inquiries re: altruistic donation...

[ASB]

I'm officially approved as an altruistic kidney donor. My recipient is a lovely person and we've become good friends throughout the process. I'm grateful we are each surrounded by supportive, understanding loved ones. But some people...

One question I get asked so often: "Why are you doing this for a stranger?" Sometimes, surprisingly, in a not-so-nice tone of voice. My recipient is experiencing the same. It's as if some people are simply unable to fathom the idea of a person helping another person, just out of simple kindness. Isn't that sad? I believe each and every one of us has a responsibility to help one another, from the smallest things in life, to something big like this... donating a kidney.

I want to be clear. I have no problem whatsoever with someone asking me why I'm doing this. I truly welcome the opportunity to, and even enjoy, educating people on the process. But, I do have a problem with "automatic suspicion/cynicism."

I'm interested to learn what others here have experienced. Please share...

[Fr Pat]

     I suppose you could ask the questioner: "If YOU needed a kidney and had no relative or friend willing/able to donate to you, wouldn't you be pleased if a stranger offered to help you?"
     At the same time it is worth pointing out that despite the screening process there have occasionally been "altruistic" donors who turned out to not be quite so altruistic. One recipient  eventually had to take out an order of protection because her altruistic donor became so annoyingly and frighteningly intrusive into her life, acting as though he now somehow "owned" her. And there have been a couple of cases of altruistic donors later showing up to ask for money, etc. These are very few cases out of many, but they do make people suspicious.
    Better just get used to the fact that many people will consider you crazy and/or greedy until innocence is proven.
  best wishes,
   Fr. Pat

[elephant]

Dear ASB,

I donated to my Dad, who I happened to know quite well.  In my case I would hear:  "Why would you donate your kidney to someone his age?"   I answered: "If you knew my Dad, you'd want to donate your kidney."  Now it's been three (great!) years and we are hoping for many more.

Well, you can always answer a question with a question.  Who is a stranger anyway?

Love, elephant

[Snoopy]

Dear ASB,

 "If you knew my Dad, you'd want to donate your kidney."

Love, elephant

Elephant's answer is beautiful.  But you might also consider a strategy I've used (for several different reasons):  keep your donation largely to yourself.  In some ways, it does make things much, much simpler.
   Good luck, Snoopy

[HappyMaleDonor]

I have high regards to altruistic kidney donors, kudos to you. I think it is one ultimate form of unselfishness.
 Narrow minded people are everywhere. Can't blame them because they what they are. Their selfish thoughts are driving the questions, best thing is to pardon them and say something like the others have suggested above. 

[JAS]

I certainly understand Snoopy's reply about keeping it to yourself, but I also think it's important to spread awareness. Obviously, it's a very personal decision. I certainly don't think anyone should say anything negative to you for being so generous. It's a reflection on them, not you.

[Snoopy]

I certainly don't think anyone should say anything negative to you for being so generous. It's a reflection on them, not you.

Yup.  As they say, "Consider the source"....
   Be well, Snoopy

[ASB]

Thank you for such great responses everyone! I'm learning to embrace the people who are supportive and ignore the ones who aren't. I agree it would be easier to simply not speak about it, but I'm passionate about educating people regarding living organ donation. More people should do it...and would, I'm certain of it, if they were presented with the opportunity. For me, that's all it was. I knew nothing about living organ donation, and had no idea a person could live with one kidney. Once presented with the opportunity, looking at the photo of this woman who was asking for a living donor, I knew instantly that I was supposed to be her donor. I know there are others like me out there.   

[Nancy]

I'm a designated kidney donor.  I applaud you and I hope there are about 100,000 people out there just like you.  Hopefully getting the word/education out there will help.