Donating to my mother next week and feeling scared!!

[JohnnyDallas]

I am scheduled to donating my Kidney to my mom next Thursday and have been going through a mix of emotions.  However, the majority of the time I feel scared and anxious. I feel guilty for being scared as my mom has it way worse than me.  I am 34 years old and in good health and physical shape, which all the doctors have said will really help in recovery.  Further, the surgery is taking place at Northwestern in Chicago, which I am told is one of the best.  Has any one donated through this hospital who can provide their experience?

Since I am having laparoscopic surgery the doctors say the surgery will be Thursday morning and I will go home Friday evening.  Is this how long the majority of Donors stay at the hospital, only one night? 

I am not nervous about the pain after the surgery; however, I am nervous about feeling tired.  I am a pretty active person that loves to workout.  I’m just scared I will not 100% return to my activity level post-surgery. 

I am also scared of being put under; however, I know that should be the least of my worries.  The last time I was put under I was only 15 and don’t really remember much.  It’s probably more of a control thing than anything.  The same reason I hate flying.

I would love to hear other people’s experience and how long it took them to bounce back after the surgery.

Kind Regards,

Johnny

[elephant]

Dear Johnny,

I hope you and your dear Mom have a great outcome.  I donated to my Dad in 2011, when I was 47. We are both doing fine.  I was very fit at donation, and remain so today.  I lift weights and/or run every day.

I stayed in the hospital two nights, and probably should have stayed three.  Some people do go home in a day, but I don't really think that's a great idea.  You've just had major surgery, and do not want to wind up in your local emergency room.  Don't get pushed into leaving too soon, you're already doing more than enough.

I was really tired for a month.  I was out of work for 3+ weeks. But I was back to my workouts surprisingly fast (before I was back at work!).  I was jogging before two weeks, albeit slowly.  Just make sure to pay attention to the lifting restrictions.  I worried about core training and the deadlift for a while, but eventually forgot, and was as strong as before surgery.   I definitely needed a lot of extra sleep for a while. After 4 years I can barely see the scar. 

Oh, and eat plenty of prunes.  I really mean that!  And take earplugs to the hospital in case you get a noisy roommate. 

Love, elephant

[JohnnyDallas]

Hi Elephant,

Thank you so much for the reply.  That is great news.  I was really worried about getting back to deadlifts and squats. 

I will make sure they don't kick me out to early.  One night just seems really fast.  However, I will be staying at a hotel right next to the hospital until Monday morning so if anything is needed I will be close by.

Thanks again for your feedback it is much appreciated.

Johnny

[Fr Pat]

Dear Johnny,
     Hi. Kidney donation is major surgery, so it is completely normal to be nervous/afraid. I would tend to say that any potential donor who has no fear probably does not quite understand the risks involved. Most donors (like myself 13 years ago) do fine. But there ARE donors who suffer minor or major complications, short-term or long term, and a very small number od donors have died during or shortly after surgery. The odds are way in your favor, but the risks are genuine so there is nothing to be ashamed about if one is nervous or fearful.
     I donated by the large open cut (10-12 inches) and was in the hospital 3 days. There are advantages to staying longer in the hospital until it is pretty clear that all is well. But on the other hand hospitals are where the bacteria that have developed resistance to anti-biotics hang out, so the danger of picking up an infection can make a fast discharge prudent as well. If you don't feel ready to leave the hospital, speak up. Better yet, have an "advocate" (relative, friend) there to speak for you.
           best wishes,
               Fr. Pat
P.S. You can read detailed narrations by donors, including my own, in the "experiences" section of this website.

[CK]

I donated almost 4 years ago at age 46. I was out of the hospital the next day by noon, though I was told this is unusual and I seemed to recover more quickly than most (per the nurses).  I was back up at the hospital the next day to visit my recipient and actually felt pretty good.  I ended up getting very dizzy from the removal of the scopolamine patch, which was probably the worst part of my early recovery and left me laying on the couch for days (so, word to the wise - if they stick one of those patches on you, don't just remove it).

They will keep you as long as you need to stay, they won't shove you out if you aren't ready to go.  I was happy to go, the hospital was noisy and uncomfortable.  I was back to work in three weeks, could have gone back in two but stayed out another week to help my recipient.  I don't feel any different now with one kidney than I did with two (though I am not and was not super active - but anything I do like to do feels just the same as it did before).  But it is major surgery, so plan to feel a little off for a while.

Good luck.  Your mother is lucky to have a son like you.  My recipient (my husband) is healthy and going strong and that was well worth the surgery, which seems like a distant memory now.

[JohnnyDallas]

Thank you all for the replies.  It is nice and comforting to hear the different experiences.  I think because so many people have different experiences it is hard to predict the recovery process and not two people are the same.  I guess I will find out soon enough how my body responds.

[CK]

Yes- you don't know until you do it.  But you probably know how you are in terms of illness, pain, etc - other experiences you've had in your life, and that will be similar to how you respond to surgery.  Of course, there can always be complications, but the biggest issue is how you typically respond to pain and illness.

I am always surprised when I hear how long it took other people to recover,  because while I certainly was tired and in pain and off a bit, it didn't take very long for me to feel fairly functional.  But I had many worries too, and none of them came to pass.  I remember being worried and then realizing that one day, the surgery would be so far in the past that I barely thought about it, and that comforted me at the time.  And I'm there now - barely think about it and certainly have no lasting effects that I can discern.

Best wishes - most likely, everything will be OK.