New Here...trying to be a living donor

[kc2010]

Hi...

I'm new here, and as of now, i am trying to be a living donor by donating one of my kidneys for my brother. His kidney functions are 12%, both of them, its a long story, but lets just say when he applied for a job, was asked to go for a medical and well...all this was found out then. Severe Kidney disease. Stage 5 is what i'm understanding and no, he is not on dialysis, but taking steroids. Anyway...I'm not getting too much support from my parents, I get all the time when I express it is "well, its okay if you don't want to, you can stop" but I'm not a quitter, and so, that isn't helping either. I'm in the beginning stages of tests, and I just had my blood type done to which is being faxed to the specialist as of Monday. From what I have read, its pretty intense, and yes, i'm anxious, but I want to do it at the same time if that makes sense. Any advice or thoughts on what is normal feelings when going through this as there isn't much support at home...thanks. 

[Fr Pat]

It's a big decision, and involves a number of steps. So just go along one step at a time, and continue to educate yourself about the donation process and its risks, and keep your parents informed.
You can get a lot of information at this site, both at the general articles at the upper left of the home page and by reading past entries at the "forum" and at "living donation in the news" section. You can also go to the FaceBook pages of "Living Donors on Line" and "Living Kidney Donors"  to join and then read the exchanges of ideas and questions there. Take your time and get well informed.
     best wishes,
    Fr. Pat
       donor, '02

[RKEM]

The lack of support can be very difficult to deal with. I had a lot of "why would you do this?", "this is crazy!" or "why would you endanger yourself for someone else?", "what if the person doesn't take care of the kidney?". I took me by surprise because I was expecting support. But I came to realize that this is how people verbalize their fear. Deep down they care a lot about you and understandably the prospect of you going through major surgery is scary. Their reminders that you can still change your mind may be their way of expressing that because, from a moral standpoint, it's hard to argue with something altruistic like what you are wanting to do.

My advice is to educate yourself and to trust yourself. I went through times of doubts, especially when waiting for test results and it can be scary when medical personnel (who sometimes aren't very supportive of non-directed) talk about all the things that can possibly go wrong. But at some point you will know if this is the right thing. For me it was seeing dialysis patients waiting to go in at the hospital. I was downright shocked at how sick and tired everybody looked. From that point, I just -knew- I was doing the right thing.

In the end, I think living organ donation is something that not everybody can or will understand. We don't all view our bodies the same way and we don't feel others' pain with the same intensity I think. So not everybody is going to think that it makes sense. Although I'm pretty confident that despite their reticence, all your loved ones will eventually be supportive of your efforts.

There is plenty of time to make up your mind as you go through the process. For me, I don't regret it one bit. To know that somewhere there's a dad who gets to see his two daughters graduate and grow up and gets to go back to work and have a semi-normal life for maybe twenty years ... nothing can beat that.