Dear Jean,
Best wishes! So sorry to hear of your challenges. I offer you an aspect of my experience that I hope helps with perspective on contrast with yours. I donated to an acquaintance, the wife of one of my wife's co-workers. While we had met at company functions a couple of times, we didn't know each other well. She can't have suspected, when my wife and I offered to be donors for her, what an amazing educational journey we'd be taking together. It certainly surprised me, again and again. Because my preconceptions kept being disproved, and my vast ignorance revealed, and finally, the amazing lack of science in the peer reviewed literature, I was candid with the transplant team and my intended recipient and her family, that I was holding my thoughts and emotions on continuing to the next test, the next revelation, that next published paper, and that self honesty required that I could not know whether I'd finally consent on the morning of surgery. This was challenging for the transplant team, but also for her and her family. We got together much more often over the 19 months of testing and waiting until surgery and got to know each other better. Ten years later, we're good friends. Even so, this truth was brutal, and we couldn't seem to avoid talking about it every time we got together.
I'm glad I said yes, on the day it mattered. It wasn't clear to me in advance that I would. My post surgical medical and personal history is enough to give one pause, though no clear causal relationship can be drawn to my more recent challenges from the donation surgery. It's like the argument about climate change and super storms: They're not proof, but they're not inconsistent with the expectations of the theory. Even so, it's been a boon for me, on balance, with the clarity of hindsight.
My situation is not like yours, but the questioning of whether a particular person will or will not do something, anything, let alone become a living organ donor, is what you face no matter what. Failure to take the initial step to have a crossmatch done suggests they won't be going on to the more invasive tests, either, so I agree with your interpretation. We're here for you, whatever you decide your next steps are. Take care.