Why we gather here. How we help each other. You are not alone. No one is alone.

[Clark]

http://pss.sagepub.com/content/25/12/2259

The Unforeseen Costs of Extraordinary Experience
Gus Cooney, Daniel T. Gilbert, Timothy D. Wilson
doi: 10.1177/0956797614551372
Psychological Science December 2014 vol. 25 no. 12 2259-2265

Abstract

People seek extraordinary experiences—from drinking rare wines and taking exotic vacations to jumping from airplanes and shaking hands with celebrities. But are such experiences worth having? We found that participants thoroughly enjoyed having experiences that were superior to those had by their peers, but that having had such experiences spoiled their subsequent social interactions and ultimately left them feeling worse than they would have felt if they had had an ordinary experience instead. Participants were able to predict the benefits of having an extraordinary experience but were unable to predict the costs. These studies suggest that people may pay a surprising price for the experiences they covet most.

[Clark]

We each have our own experiences, but fourteen years of reading posts here, and talking to many, many donors by email and in person reveals very common elements. The relatives and friends who react by putting us on a pedestal, who say, "I could never do that," or, "You're a saint." These serve to separate us, and we learn to not discuss our experience, before and after donating, as this separation is uncomfortable, undesirable, and from our perspective, unjustified. We are still the same people we were, why are you treating us as if we aren't?

Here we can ask questions, describe experiences and know, unshakeably understand that we are among people who recognize us, who have the donation experience somehow in their lives. We may have, certainly do have different details in our experiences, different interpretations of the events we experience, and passionate differences in what our priorities are for advocacy for ourselves and on behalf of others. Even so, here are our peers for what, close to home, in our workplaces, in our places or worship or social gathering is a seemingly unique experience. Welcome. You are not alone.